Impending Disaster
by A Jedi and Her Kitten
Summary: Harry helps his best friend put her life back together after her marriage with Ron begins to fall apart. How does he accomplish this? By accidentally sending her straight into the arms of one Severus Snape, of course. AU after HBP. SSHG
1. Breathe

Okay, I know this is the first time I've shown any signs of life in ages, but I've had a thousand and one medical problems. I promise there will be SSHG before it's all said and done. This isn't a song fic, and I plan on it having quite a few chapters. Reviews are appreciated, but flamers will be fed to the dragons. I don't own this or any thing in it that you may recognize, so don't be stupid enough to believe I might. This was a product of insomnia, and there is a lot of RW bashing.

Onward and upward:

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Ch. 1 – Breathe

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_2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake: "Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? I don't love him; winter just wasn't my season..." - Anna Nalick_

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His fireplace turned green, and he wondered how anyone could have possibly known that he was still awake, then he was crudely snapped out of his reverie by the alarming realization that anyone calling at 2 in the morning probably had a serious matter to discuss. He pointed his wand at the fireplace and accepted the call. He was surprised to see the bushy mane of his twenty-five year-old best friend with distinct rings below her eyes, despite the flames slight distortion.

Harry Potter immediately jumped to his feet, running over to the hearth.

"Hermione! What's wrong?" he exclaimed, then thought better about it due to his sleeping wife upstairs. "Come through, 'Mione," and at his insistence, she stepped through the hearth.

"What's wrong? Did something happen? Is it Ron again?" Harry's worst fears were confirmed when he took in her sallow features; her shaking hands and slouched posture, a once flawless face now stained by trails of drying tears. He knew at that moment that the thing he feared most for his best friend of so many years had happened: Her marriage had finally collapsed.

"Harry, I can't stay too long. You have to help me. Please!" Her sharp cry pierced the silence, the sacred silence of the hours that no child should cry and no adult should speak: the time where lovers should be sharing a moment of bliss and the drunkards should be passed out on their doorstep, which the latter, indeed, had happened to Hermione Weasley that very hour, not moments before.

She collapsed into sobs at the same moment that she fell forward into her companion's outstretched arms. Harry ensconced her within a tight embrace, holding her whilst attempting to deny the tears that threatened his own person, for he somehow felt responsible about the actions of his once-cherished brother-in-law.

"Shh... 'Mione, calm down. I'm here, you're safe, love. It will be okay. I'll do whatever it takes to make it okay, but it's gunna be alright, 'Mione, but you need to breathe. Just breathe," he calmly whispered in to her hair, praying he would be able to make good on his promises. "What happened?" he questioned, despite inferring the most likely answer,

"It's Ronald, again. I don't know what to do, anymore, Harry. I don't know where I went wrong! What did I do to deserve this?" she cried, broken in his arms. Ignoring his attempt to hush her, she continued in her devastated ramblings until Harry took pity on her by dragging her limp, robe-clad form over to his sofa and settling her head in his lap.

"Want to talk about it?" Harry asked, despite knowing that his question was rather pointless: If she didn't want to talk about it, why on earth would she be here at 2 A. M.? At her nod, he prompted her to start her story, despite not wanting to relieve the tale time and time again.

"Ronald was out late again with Seamus and Dean after work. He came home smelling like old firewhiskey and bathroom polo, Harry. His shirt was covered in stains, and I can't do anything to get them out. Neville showed up with Ron about fifteen minutes before I called you. He was drunk, and no sooner than they had arrived, Ronald promptly emptied his whiskey onto the azaleas and passed out on the steps.

"I ennerverated him, and he threw himself at me, then got mad because I pushed him away. He said I don't love him anymore, and it hurt."

"'Mione..." Harry was speechless – he knew Ron had picked up a bit of a bad drinking habit, but he hadn't realized it was quite this bad. Hermione wasn't finished with her monologue yet, so she swallowed her sob and picked up where she left off.

"You know why it hurt, Harry?" At his grimace, she continued, "It hurt because I think it's true. I can't do this anymore. I can't take finding anymore 'memos' from Lavender in the wash. I can't deal with him coming home at whichever hour strikes his fancy – or when he's so drunk that he can't drink anymore. You have to help me, Harry, please!" she all but begged him, her voice laced with guilt and tears streaming down her cheeks.

Harry wrapped her up in his embrace a bit tighter, stroking her hair as she cried onto his shoulder.

"Hermione, I'm so sorry," he whispered into her hair, "what can I do?" She buried her head farther into his shoulder, her body still convulsing with sobs.

"Find a way to get me out of this marriage," she stated, her voice surprisingly firm with this statement. Harry nodded as her amber eyes pierced his soul with her heartbroken gaze.

"I'll see what I can do," he promised, then glanced at the clock. Hermione followed his line of sight then jumped up and hurried over to the fireplace, Harry following closely in her wake.

"Harry, I have to go, he might wake up and notice I've left. Thank you so much. I'm sorry I bugged you this late," she said, throwing the putrid green powder into the flames. He shrugged.

"'Mione, you know I'm always here. Be careful, alright?" He hugged her one more time, then watched her step into the flame. The "I love you and I need you to be alright, okay, Sis?" seemed to spin away with her nod as she vanished in the hearth.

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Reviews are appreciated. More to come soon! - Rei


	2. Words

**WARNING: This chapter is rated M for language, violence, and adult themes.**

_I don't own anything you recognize._

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Chapter 2 – Words

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_ This feels the same – complications in different situations. I am holding out for love! Is it worth it to die a little each day? All for unseen grace? - Between the Trees_

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The next morning, Hermione sat at her kitchen table, staring into the dregs of her tea mug and making predictions about her life. Despite her doubts about Divination, she was almost positive that the leaves spelled out the end of her marriage. Her musing were interrupted by a light tapping on the window behind her.

With a brief pause to confirm her husband was still snoring on the couch, she glanced at the window to see a slightly-worn Hedwig who was glaring at her impatiently. The tired Gryffindor pointed her wand at the window, spelling it open and permitting the snowy owl entrance.

Hedwig flew languidly over to the chair where Hermione had propped up her feet and outstretched her leg to present the young lady with her master's letter. With shaking hands, Hermione untied the letter and gestured to her uneaten meal before her.

"Go ahead, Hedwig; I'm not going to eat it, and it's still warm," she offered, and with an indulgent look, the owl bent down to nip her ear affectionately before accepting the fresh toast. Hermione smiled feebly at her friend's familiar before opening the parchment hesitantly.

She suppressed a gasp as she took in the familiar scrawl of Harry Potter.

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_'Mione –_

_ I think I've found a way for you to get away from your situation. Please consider meeting with Headmistress McGonagall this afternoon. Professor Flitwick is thinking about retiring and he wants to secure a replacement before doing so. Both professors believe you to be more than qualified and Minerva would be ecstatic at the idea of her star pupil returning to work with her. _

_ Meanwhile, I've discussed your situation with Kingsley and he said he would look up the procedure dissolving a binding, and he is going to owl me back as soon as possible. \_

_ Minerva said she will owl you about the specifics if you're interested. I have a good feeling about this._

_ Love – Harry._

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She got up and rummaged through a nearby desk for spare parchment. Snatching a quill off the counter on the way back to the table, she scribbled a quick note of gratitude toward Harry and then a missive for McGonagall inquiring about the afternoon's meeting.

Upon looking over a tired Hedwig who was getting on in years as well as having clearly had a busy morning, she banished the letter for McGonagall to appear on her desk, then walked over to the window and with an apologetic glance toward the white owl, she whistled for Pig and instructed him to take the letter to Harry after adding a post-script stating that she was letting Hedwig rest and Pig was his for the rest of the day.

The snowy owl hooted appreciatively, eyeing Hermione with interest as she reached for a jar of owl treats. Hermione presented her arm and Hedwig jumped onto the offered perched, patiently waiting for one of the delicious morsels. Hermione fed the owl, then calmly stroked her feathers, hands a bit firmer than they had been when Hedwig had first arrived.

She jumped as a letter appeared onto her table, envelope labeled in the golden ink of the Hogwarts Headmistress, then smirked as she realized that this meant Minerva had read her Charms spellbook that Hermione had published shortly after the war. She gingerly opened the letter and read it quickly.

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_Hermione - _

_ Harry said you're in a bit of a spot, and I think that between the two of us, we can find a way out of it. Please meet me at the Three Broomsticks today at noon to discuss the job offer if you are interested, or even if you aren't, because I would love to see my favorite student over lunch. Take care of yourself in the meantime, and spell me if you need __**anything**__. _

_ Until then – Minnie_

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Hermione smiled at her mentor's nickname, then glanced at the clock. Realizing it was already half ten, she jumped to her feet, dislodging a comfortable Hedwig from her perch on her shoulder. Uttering a fast apology, she peeked into the parlor then hurried up the stairs to her bedroom to get ready.

After a quick shower, she spelled her hair dry then applied a thorough coat of Sleakeazy's Hair Potion to her chestnut locks. She twisted her hair up into a French twist with a securing charm to keep it up, then walked over to her wardrobe to remove black slacks and a bright purple shirt that complimented her skin. She spelled on her make up to cover the rings left from lack of sleep then sprayed on a bit of perfume. Hermione snatched a sheer black robe that tied around her waist, then all but ran down the stairs.

She turned toward the kitchen and walked straight into her now awake husband. He growled at her so she summoned a vial of Sobering potion and watched with distaste as he grabbed it out of the air and downed it much like he would a shot of firewhiskey from the evening before. He threw the vial onto the floor with enough force to shatter it, then seized his wife by the lapels of her robe.

"Where in the bloody hell do you think you're going dressed like that?" he snarled, all the while running his hands over the curves of Hermione's luscious body. She pushed him back and glared at him.

"It's none of your concern, _Ronald._ I have the right to go wherever I choose," she said defiantly.

"Not dressed like some ruddy whore, you don't," then he flinched and started rubbing the bright red hand print she left across his pale face.

"I'm sick of this, Ron. I'm tired of you coming home drunk. I'm tired of you throwing yourself at me and then throwing a hissy fit because you don't get your way. I'm sick of having to spell the stains out of your clothes and I am disgusted by your habit of emptying your stomach onto my azaleas," Her voice was firm but her hands were shaking.

"Well if you loved me enough, you'd be making me happy and I wouldn't have to be drunk anymore."

"IF I LOVED YOU ENOUGH?" Hermione Jean Weasley née Granger was irate. "Ronald Bilius Weasley, I have had enough of your antics. I didn't say anything when you started going out with the guys after work to the bar. I didn't say anything when you came home at any hour of the night nor did I get mad when you asked me to quit my job as an Unspeakable after my Charms book was published. I didn't say anything when I was left doing your laundry every day, trying to banish stains that you had so courteously applied permanent charms to in your drunken stupor, or trying to remove the scent of that horrendous bathroom polo or when I found the 'office memos' from Lavender. I'm tired of holding my tongue and I'm sick of trying to make you happy, Ronald."

Ron's face reddened to a shade that clashed horribly with his hair, then his temper exploded.

"You're lying. There's no way you found a note from Lav, because I banish them everytime she sends me one!" then gasped as he realized his fatal mistake.

"_LAV?_ She was passing you a lot more than messages, Ron Weasley. I can't believe you have the audacity to sleep with that tramp then come home to throw yourself at me!" Her voice cut off abruptly as he moved to force her against the wall.

"I would watch who you call a tramp, 'Mione," he snarled, ignoring her protests of "Don't call me that!"

"At least Lavender spreads her legs like a good little bitch and wants to have my children. If you had got down on your knees little slut you are and let me fuck you until you were pregnant, maybe I wouldn't have to do Lav over my desk or on the breakroom table." He tensed at he suddenly felt a significant amount of weight disappear from between his legs, then he was thrown backward into the kitchen against the refrigerator as an agitated Hedwig sputtered indignantly and left a dropping on his head for displacing her from her perch on the chain.

"RON WEASLEY, I can promise you, the next time you say something like that to me, I promise you will lose a lot more than your genitalia. I never wanted to have your children because you never convinced me you truly loved me without them. When I get back, you and all of your belongings had best be gone from my house." she roared as Hedwig landed again on her shoulder. With that, she summoned her bag and disapparated to Hogsmede.

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Hm, I know that Ron seems like such a dick, but I've never liked him at all. I'll try to get another chapter up tonight and Severus Snape will most certainly be introduced soon. Reviews are appreciated, and I'd like five before I post another chapter. Go with Godspeed – Rei.


	3. Too Many Words

I'd like to take this opportunity to answer some _awesome _reviewers:

**CeliaEquus: **Harry's plan isn't quite finished yet, but the majority of it was laid out in Chapter 2. Thanks for being patient, because I don't feel like it's been quite the right timing for me to pull him into the story yet. He'll most likely be in here before we hit Chapter 5. Thanks for being my first reviewer on this story. 3

**brainDamage089: **Thanks. I promise it will be worth it.

**Sandlapper: **Now I can't reveal that just yet, can I? Oh don't worry, _Lav Lav_ will get what's coming to her, and I can pretty much promise Molly won't be happy at all.

**Sleepingbutterfly: **Thanks. ^_^  
**SnapeSnogger21:** Unlike most of my stories, I'm going to try to actually finish this one, hehe. Thanks!

**2angelwings:** You say "just discovered" like it's been out for more than a day! I'm glad you're enjoying it; I write to entertain.

**Redbird27: **Thanks for agreeing with me on that account. He's always left a bad taste in my mouth. He just isn't as loyal to his friends nor does he seem to care about others as much as Harry or Hermione do... Or even Severus, for that matter.

**Beautiful-Liar13: **Your wish is my command: thanks for reviewing.

**Her Royal Goddess: **All in good time. Thanks!

**Notwritten: **You're welcome, and I do try. I smile especially big whenever I get reviews. 3

**wisperinglilies: ** Glad you appreciate my view on Ron. I hate it when people make a character as strong as Hermione into someone who bends and folds to a man. Hermione is a feminist if I've ever seen one. Thanks for the review!

**Alan's Only:** I'm glad you like it. I'll have to check out your stories after I'm finished writing this one. Thanks for the review!

Also, thanks to all the people who have me on their alert list in some way, shape or form. You are why I do this.

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**DISCLAIMER:** _If you recognize it, it's probably not mine.

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_I tried to get it right, but I was just wastin' my time 'cause you never compromised when it came to us. We struggle and fall apart, we build it back to static start. The endless accusations – I can't believe we made it this far...Waking alone tomorrow has gotta be better than this – Sick Puppies

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Ronald Bilius Weasley was not a happy camper – he was _not_ a happy camper _at_ _all._ In fact, he was such an unhappy camper, that he wanted his mummy, and he wanted her _now. _

He was missing his bits, his wife was leaving him, and he got caught cheating. Despite his audacious behavior moments before, he wasn't entirely stupid, so he angrily _Accio'_ed his belongings and shrunk them down to fit into his pocket – not that it was much, mind you, because despite his job as a high-level member of the Magical Sports and Games department, Hermione had been the main bread-winner due to her spectacular book sales of her award winning series of _Practical Charms_ and the royalties that still came in for her work as an Unspeakable (although he had no clue as to why she was receiving royalties for being an Unspeakable as her work at the Department of Mysteries remained just that – unspeakable), but he had his broom, his clothes and his chess set, and that was the very least he could ask for.

Upon securing his meager amount of possessions in a pocket, he apparated to the back door of the Burrow and waltzed in as though he owned the house.

"Mum, I'm home" he shouted as he threw open the door, then jumped as he was bombarded by a somewhat agitated Molly.

"Ronald, it's good to see you, but be quiet! Victoire and Dominique are asleep! Now, sit, I've just made lunch," she chastised as she herded her youngest son into a chair at the table. He grudgingly sat down then grunted at the lack of feeling when he did so. Molly, the ever observant mother, did not let this action pass by unnoticed.

"Ron, what's wrong?" she asked him.

"Outside of the fact my wife is leaving me?" Molly gasped. "Well, it could have something to do with her hexing my bits off." Molly's face turned from one of shock to one of outrage. She wanted blood, because she wanted more grandchildren, and that wasn't happening if her youngest son's bits were missing.

"Don't worry, Ronniekins, Mummy will take care of you," she said as he buried his face in her bosom and began to cry.

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Meanwhile, Hermione had apparated to the Hogsmeade branch of Flourish & Botts upon realizing that she was still about 20 minutes early, despite her spat with Ron. As she walked through the door, the clerk recognized her immediately as one of his best-selling authors and rushed up to greet her. Glad that she had released her book under her maiden name, she exchanged pleasantries and went about wasting time before her meeting. Perusing each section with interest, she meandered over to the potions section when an unfamiliar cover caught her eye.

Getting closer, she saw an emerald glossy cover on a thick book labeled _Perfecting Powerful Potions _at about eye level when a tall man with a fluid black cloak approached the bookshelf from an opposite aisle. Her outstretched hand wrapped around the spine of the book right as a thin, strong hand clasped over hers. Both customers began to chuckle at the mistake until the man looked at the woman from the familiarity of her laugh. Severus Snape stepped back as he took in the form of Hermione Weasley née Granger. Realizing the man's laughter had stopped, she looked up to mutter an apology, but gasped instead as she recognized the strong posture of her former Potions Master.

Severus broke the silence first. "My apologies, Misses Weasley," he said in a smooth baritone as he passed her the book, "I did not realize you were reaching for this wonderful book." She accepted it, and spoke as she examined the cover from front to back.

"Oh it's alright, I'm simply trying to pass the time before heading to the Three Broomsticks for an interview," she told him, which unexpectedly caught his curiousity.

"An interview? Why on earth would you, Misses Weasley, the authoress of an award-winning book and one of the brightest witch of the century require a job interview?" he inquired. Hermione's eyes widened at the unanticipated compliment.

"Please, call me Hermione, I'm hoping not to be Misses Weasley for much longer, which is why I need the interview. I'm hoping to get away from my drunken lout of a husband."

Severus Snape was nearly floored at the thought that one of the golden couples of modern times wanting a divorce. "Your husband, pardon me, Mister Weasley, is an alcoholic? How on – nevermind, it's not my business. So tell me, who is the job interview with, as I, myself, am about to go to the Three Broomsticks as well?" he asked her.

"It's alright Professor, Ronald's had problems for quite some time. I take it that Minerva did not tell you that Professor Flitwick is retiring? She wants me to fill his post as Charms teacher," she admitted.

"Please, if you're Hermione, I'm Severus. I haven't had you as a student in seven years, and if you're about to become my colleague, you should be on familiar terms with me. That is why I'm going to the restaurant as well, but Minerva did not tell me that it was you we are interviewing," he shocked her with his politeness.

Hermione knew he had changed greatly after the defeat of Voldemort at the end of her seventh year, as he was no longer playing a pureblood Slytherin king. Once his half-blood status became well-known and his role as a spy was released as well as the information about his Unbreakable Vow to save Draco, he was pardoned for the murder of Dumbledore as without his crime, the Dark side would have probably won the war. Despite knowing that he was truly a civil person, and he had once loved Lily Evans Potter enough to sacrifice himself, Hermione wasn't sure what to make of the new, civil, smiling Snape – erm, Severus.

"Oh my, well, sir – Severus," the name felt a bit foreign on her tongue, "I can't say for sure that I'll be your colleague because I'm certain I'm not the only one applying for the job and -" he cut off her humble ramblings with a look.

"Hermione, you are the most favorable candidate for the job; the interview is merely a formality," he let her in on the secret with a gentle smile that she was certain she had never seen before. He looked back at the book in her hands.

"Well, are you going to get that book or shall I? Polimera Potica is a fabulous Potions Mistress, and that particular book contains some of the most difficult legal potions available." Hermione passed the Head of Slytherin the book.

"You can have it, it merely sparked my interest while I was trying to pass the time," she said, then glanced at her watch. "Oh, it's five 'til; I need to hurry or I'll be late!" she looked up in shock when the older man began to chuckle again.

"Don't worry, Hermione. I think we'll be excused if you arrive with me – that is, if I would be allowed to accompany you?" he offered.

"Of course, Severus," she accepted. After he paid for the book, he offered her his arm and they chatted amicably on the way to the pub. Ever the gentleman, he opened the door for her and gestured toward their table in the back of the pub. Minerva spotted them immediately and smiled brightly.

"Hermione! Severus!" she exclaimed happily, hugging each in turn. Noting the linked arms, Lupin looked at them questionably, but Pomona Spout intervened, pulling Hermione away from Severus to embrace her tightly.

Glancing around, Hermione realized that most of her former teachers were there: Lupin, Vector, Sinastra, Burbage, Babbling, Hooch, Hagrid, and – she suppressed a grimace – Trelawney. Seeing Remus' arm around a familiar face, she ran over and hugged both.

"Tonks! What are you doing here?" she asked, her eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Well, Minerva needed a transfiguration professor, and who better than a Metamorphmagus?" The women shared a moment of squeals then embraced again. Remus coughed and Hermione remembered she was there for an interview. He gestured to a seat between himself and Severus with Minerva sitting across from her, and they all settled in and ordered.

While they were waiting on their food, Minerva started discussing the details of the job.

"Well Hermione, as you already know, Charms is a core course, so you would be teaching first through seventh years. You would also have year-round room and board in your own quarters. You are free to come and go on weeknights as well as weekends, and your salary will be approximately 50,000 galleons a year." Hermione's jaw dropped at this number and she began to protest immediately.

"Minerva, there's no way I could accept that much. I wouldn't need even half of that much, I mean, I earn royalties on my books and then I have investments and -" Severus cut her off.

"Then you'll have plenty of money to divorce Weasley and buy whatever you like, Hermione. Your salary is only the starting wage, there are bonuses for Christmas and a yearly raise of 50 galleons. As Deputy Headmaster, I insist you accept this wage as is, especially with your talents." Hermione looked around the table and saw nods from all of the teachers.

"So are you taking the job?" Tonks questioned her. Hermione signed in resignation of what she thought was far too much money, then nodded. Tonks squealed again and jumped up to hug her once more. "It'll be wonderful to have another young witch on the staff! I can't wait for this school year."

Minerva agreed. "Yes, I do believe this will be one of the best years Hogwarts has ever seen," she boasted as congratulations to Hermione were passed from all around. "Severus, would you be so kind as to escort Hermione home?"

He nodded, "Of course, Minerva. I'll keep an eye out for Weasley," he assured her, then settled back into his seat as the group ate, drank and was merry. Madame Rosemerta brought another round of butterbeers and the group chatted well until dinner time.

Hermione looked at the time then jumped up. "Well, I must be getting home, Crookshanks will be wanting to go out and I promised to tell Harry about how my meeting went. Minnie, when can I move my belongings into the castle?"

Minerva looked her over, then spoke. "Whenever you're ready, Hermione. You can move in tonight, if you'd like."

Hermione nodded. "Alright, I might just do that. I'll see you later?" Minerva smiled at her fondly.

"Just come to my office when you're ready to see your quarters. The password is _bannocks,_" she told her as Severus stood.

"Hermione, if I may, I'd like to escort you home, especially with all this business with Weasley," she smiled.

"Of course you may, Severus. Shall we?" she offered her arm, and he took it as he walked her out of the restaurant.

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Okay, I'm sorry I didn't have this posted earlier or yesterday, but I had an unexpected relapse with some medical issues that put a damper on things. I know that Severus seems a bit abrupt in warming up to Hermione, but it's been seven years since the war, and he's a bit of a nicer person, especially since he no longer feels indebted to the Potters nor is he still in love with Lily. I promise to have another chapter out tomorrow. Please review. All the best, Rei.


	4. Before He Cheats

**Beautiful-Liar13:** You'll see. Thanks for the review.  
**CeliaEquus: **The same thing to you: You'll see. Thanks.  
**Her Royal Goddess:** Thanks, I think he's pretty edible myself. Your questions are **mostly** answered, but read the footnote at the end of the chapter, just for you.  
**Alan's Only: **I thought it was a bit much a bit too fast myself, but he's greatly changed since the war. Still a bit snarky towards his students, but his already civil relationship toward Hermione will be explained a bit later. Thanks for the review.  
**2Angelwings: **Thanks. ^_^ I love Remus, as well, but Tonks is my favorite character. Here's what happens next, so I'll thank you for your review and leave you alone so you can read it.  
**LadySnape88:** Thank you for teaching me a new adjective. I actually had to look up "Bobbitt" because it was a little bit before my time, haha. Thanks for the review!  
**Catysmom:** Thanks for the review, here you go.  
**  
**I'd like to thank all of my reviewers. You rock. Same with the people that have me on their alert list in some way. Alright, alright, I'll be quiet now, so here's the next installment.

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Chapter 4 – Before He Cheats

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DISCLAIMER: _If you recognize it, it's probably not mine. _

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_Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats... - Carrie Underwood._

"Would you like to stay for a bit?" Hermione asked. Without an agenda, Severus accepted and followed her to the front door.

Severus Snape took in the small white porch of Hermione Weasley's house. He noted two chairs and a small table with a potted Fire Lily sitting in between them. Behind the railing a knobbly little creature he recognized as a gnome peek out from a fragrant azalea bush. He was considering point out the gnome to Hermione, when she distracted him by opening the door and guided him inside by the arm.

In a petite, pale foyer, he noted that Ron must have already left with his belongings, as on the coat rack hung only feminine coats that had to belong to Hermione. He slid off his shoes and placed them next to Hermione's black loafers, then followed her into her kitchen.

"You've quite a lovely home, Hermione. I take it your future ex-husband has already departed?"

"Thank you, Severus," she smiled, "I assume so, because I told him before I left that he had best be gone before I returned, or I'd hex off a lot more than just his bits," she said, then caught her slip and blushed a lovely shade of rose.

Severus was a bit confused. "You hexed off his _bits?_" Hermione blushed harder.

"Yes, his bits. You know, his _manly_ bits, his -" Severus cut her off.

"Hermione, I know what bits are. I'm just amazed that you hexed them off. What on earth did he do to deserve that?"

"He insulted me, tried to assault me, and admitted to cheating on me. I thought it was an appropriate punishment," she said. Severus inwardly shuttered.

"Remind me never to piss you off," he muttered under his breath. She smiled.

"I highly doubt you'll ever do anything to me to deserve that."

He pondered this statement for a moment, then started considering the functions of said _bits._ "Is that spell permanent?" he asked aloud. She grinned evilly and he suppressed another shudder. "Should I take that as a 'yes'?" Her smile grew wider, if that was possible.

"Of course not, Severus," she said cheekily. "He simply has to pick up a book to find the counter-curse. Otherwise, he'll be stuck with spells to relieve himself. Either way, I'm forcing him to read." This struck Severus' curiosity.

"Where exactly would one have to look to find the counter-curse for this spell?" He asked. She hid her snicker behind a cough and tried to keep a straight face.

"In the Self-Help section under Romance. There is a handy little book called _I Got Caught Cheating_." Her twinkling eyes told him that there was more to the story.

"What aren't you telling me?" he asked.

"The book can only be read by the owner after validated purchase and deceptive charms don't work on it, so every person he passes in the bookstore will know he cheated, and it has a curse on it that forces him to carry the book everywhere he goes for one week," she responded.

His curiosity peaked. "And pray tell, exactly why do you know about the existence of this book?" he questioned. She smiled once more.

"That's easy: I wrote it. It was a... _gift_... for one of my coworker's spouses at the Department of Mysteries." At the look on his face, she burst out laughing. Recovering from his shock, he joined her, and together the two professors began to imagine the looks Ronald would receive if he bought the book.

"Imagine the reaction of Molly Weasley!" Severus jibbed. As if on cue, the kitchen door burst open to reveal the irate redhead matron.

"HERMIONE JANE WEASLEY, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" Severus lowered his wand which he had raised to a dueling stance when the door had opened. Hermione, however, petrified Molly with an apologetic glance.

"Ah, Molly, I haven't had the opportunity to owl you yet. I'm going to unpetrify you, and you are going to calmly have a seat, and not raise your voice at me ever again. Blink your eyes twice if you understand me." Molly stopped glaring long enough to blink twice, and Hermione released the spell. The elder woman huffed and sat down rudely in the nearest chair then opened her mouth, only to be halted by Severus.

"Now Mrs. Weasley, I'd rather not employ a silencing charm on you, so please remain quiet and allow Hermione to explain." Molly, who had been too focused on Hermione to notice Severus jumped, but nodded her acquiescence.

Hermione summoned her pensive, then placed all the memories within it inside a bottle from the counter. Removing the memories from earlier, she placed the silvery strands into the thick liquid. She eyed Molly carefully.

"I'm going to allow you to view these memories, and you will understand I am completely justified in my actions." She spelled the pensive to display outwardly so that Severus could see them as well, although she secretly wanted to watch them again anyway, just for the humor value.

Severus was flabbergasted by the harsh words of Ron Weasley, but hid his astonishment well behind his best poker face. Molly, however, was gaping openly, then as the memory ended, her face filled with shame over her youngest son's actions. She looked at Hermione apologetically.  
"Hermione, dear, I'm so sorry. He best not be expecting any more help from me. He's brought this upon himself, and he can get himself out of it." Hermione smiled.

"Thank you, Molly; If you will, show this memory to the rest of your family so that they understand and don't come through here blowing my door off its hinges." Molly reddened in embarrassment.

"My apologies dear. If you will make a copy for me, I'll be sure to show Arthur and the boys. I'm assuming you would like to tell Ginny and Harry yourself?" Hermione nodded.

"Yes, I've got to share some news with them, as well. I've taken the post of Charms professor at Hogwarts, which is why Severus is here. He escorted me home from the job interview." Molly looked at the Potions professor, then back at Hermione.

"I'm sorry for intruding. I'll be leaving now. Congratulations on your new job, Hermione." She nodded at both, accepted the vial containing Hermione's copied memory, and disapparated after a quick _Reparo_ shot at the backdoor.

"Well, that was certainly unexpected." Severus stated dryly. Severus and Hermione shared a look, then simultaneously burst into laughter. Hermione nodded in agreement, then considered her companion for a moment.

"Severus, would you mind helping me pack? I think I should go ahead and move to Hogwarts, lest someone else come here and break down my door." The older man accepted, then they went about summoning her possessions and shrinking them down to fit in the Tupperware from the kitchen. Placing the containers into Hermione's beaded bag, they swept through the house with quick cleaning spells, placed several wards on the property, and moved back onto the front porch.

Picking up the Fire Lily, Hermione held it while Severus shrunk the table and chairs and stuck them into her bag. He looked at her questioningly.

"What are you going to do with the house?" he asked.

"I'll sell it. I have no need of it, and I don't want the memories of my marriage to that bastard."

"Understandably so. Shall we?" He asked, picking up Crookshanks who had wandered back to the porch from his afternoon's stroll and placing him into his carrier. Hermione nodded.

"We shall," she said, and with that, they apparated to the gate of Hogwarts.

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**Her Royal Goddess: **The reason Hermione didn't get into trouble with the MoM is because she designed the spell, and is licensed to use it.

Anyway, here's another one done. I've kept a steady churn out of one-a-day, so I'm quite proud of myself. God bless - Rei.


	5. Poker Face

Wow, you guys (and girls) are great! I must say, you're spoiling me with all of these reviews. I'm thoroughly enjoying the attention, so please, keep it up. ^_^

NOTICE: I'm looking for a Beta Reader. Interested? Let me know. (It means that you'd get to read the chapter first, tehehe)

I'd like to take a moment to answer some reviews:

**Redbird27: **Hermione's had Unspeakable training, not to mention she's a decorated war veteran. She's fairly quick on her feet, and she was sort of anticipating Molly. I have to ask, do you have an obsession with refrigerators? I'll think I'm going to have to work in a fridge incident just for you, haha. I loved creating Hermione's charms, that just seems like something that she would do if she got pissed off at a guy. Thanks for the reviews; I have an incredibly dry humor, myself, so it takes a lot to make me laugh, but your reviews succeed every single time. I enjoy hearing from you, so keep it up! ^_^

**LadySnape88:** Once again, thanks for teaching me the new word. The whole Bobbitt incident happened about a year and a half before I was born, so when I looked it up, I must say I was rolling in my kitchen. It sounds like something I'd do, hehe. ^_^ Thanks so much for reviewing and making my day a little bit better.

**Her Royal Goddess: **Of course I'll answer all your questions anytime, they help me figure out what I'm missing from the plot. I'm glad you're enjoying my story, and Severus certainly doesn't want to lose his bits! He might need those later for when he wants to... well, you'll see. ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

**CeliaEquus:** Haha, I actually get the mental images of what Hermione does based on how I'd react, because I'm freakishly similar to her characteristically speaking: Over-achiever, perfectionist, a bit liberal, bookish, etc. I definitely prefer to write about her over most characters because I just picture myself in the situation, then try to add a little more humor instead of my typical dry humor. I thought it was a bit sad she can't buy one for him herself, but that would take a lot out of the embarrassment factor, and we just can't have that, now can we? With as much of a dolt as he is, he'll probably screw up the spell, but I'm not saying anything. ^_- Thanks for the reviews!

**HarryPGinnyW4eva: **Thanks, I'm glad that you like it. I can't picture a wimpy 'Mione, and certainly Severus isn't a bastard all the time. Just most of it. ^_^ You can pretty much expect one-a-day from me... like a vitamin! As I'm on summer break at the moment, there's not really a reason for me not to churn these out like butter. Thanks for the review!

**Notwritten: **Thank you for reading, I'm glad you find it interesting. I will if you do! Thanks for the review!

**Beautiful-Liar13: **Thanks!

To ALL my reviewer and everyone who has me on their alert list, a huge thanks, and a Snanger-themed slice of cake.

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**DISCLAIMER:**_ If you recognize it, it's most likely not mine._

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Ch 5 – Poker Face

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_I'm marvelous, I'm marvelous, I'm marvelous, so marvelous! – Lady Gaga (Glee Version)_

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Hermione took in her new quarters as Severus and Minerva went about unshrinking her belongings to see a large sitting area done tastefully in an understated pale gold and deep burgundy. She noted a small cat bed in the corner for Crookshanks, between the wall and a small bookcase that was near the fireplace for warmth. In front of the fireplace sat a burgundy loveseat and off to one side was a desk with a matching chair.

She ventured further into the suite, noting a sparkling white bathroom with an orgy-sized marble tub that had at least one hundred, gleaming, silver faucets. Running her hand over the smooth, clean counter, she looked up into the mirror to see one Severus Tobias Snape standing in the doorway with a grimace on his face.

"What is it with you Gryffindors, always red and gold. How," he paused, as if thinking of an adjective, "trashy," he finished. Hermione rolled her eyes and elbowed him in the side, causing him to break his façade and chuckle. "Actually, I must admit the décor is quite fetching. This lavatory is pristine, and I am compelled to admit it rivals mine."

Hermione smiled. "Yes, I must say I'm more in love with this bathroom than I've ever been with Ronald," she snickered, then offered her arm. "Shall we explore the bedroom?" she asked. He took her arm but couldn't resist an innuendo.

"Now Hermione, I'm hardly that easy. You should at least feed me first," he jibbed, "or are you going to have me _eat out_ later?" Hermione turned an impossible shade that seemed to match the duvet.

"Severus!" she chided, then grabbed him and practically hauled him through the doorway in excitement.

This room was easily her favorite room in her quarters. White walls trimmed in black brought a very modern look to the room, while splashes of a deep violet accented the room in the form of pillows, paintings, and a chintzy armchair with a matching rug. A large black wardrobe was pushed into a corner next to an equally large dresser. On the opposite wall, a vanity rested next to a small bookcase. An over-sized bed with white sheets and a black comforter sat on a raised platform against one wall. She noted that she had a view of the lake and Forbidden Forest from her window, about three or four stories up (in all of the excitement, she'd forgotten to count how many flights it was to her suite.)

She took a running start and landed in the middle of the massive bed, forgetting Severus' presence or that Minerva was in the next room. Sinking into the mattress with a moan, Hermione was suddenly incredibly glad to be herself, as the fluffy bed was better than anything she could imagine. Severus calmly crossed over to the bed and perched himself on the edge, displacing the mattress enough that Hermione's blissfully closed eyes snapped open in awareness.

"You seemed to be enjoying yourself so much on this bed that I couldn't resist joining you," he smirked, then let out an undignified yelp when Hermione hit him with a pillow. He tossed the offending object back at her, and by the time Minerva had walked into the room, there was an all out pillow fight going on between what most would have thought the most orderly professors at Hogwarts.

Internally plotting, Minerva decided that the pair would certainly be a good match and that Severus would be loads better for Hermione than Ron could have ever dreamed of being. Outwardly, she maintained a straight face and cleared her throat in an Umbridgesque way with an overdone "ah-hem." The two pillow warriors jumped to attention, looking for the toadlike witch after nine years of peace, only to realize the cough came from the Hogwarts Headmistress.

"If you are quite finished playing in bed, _Professors_, I must insist we continue through the suite," she proclaimed loudly, conjuring pink tinges on the cheeks of both of her former students. Only then did Hermione realize there was another door off on the side opposite the window, which she quickly got up while running a hand through her hair, and crossed over to explore. Finding a winding staircase, she hurried upstairs to discover a large library with mostly empty shelves for her private collection. A few bookcases contained several rarer tomes on a number of topics from Charms to Potions and Transfiguration.

Minerva opened Hermione's bag and summoned her books which lie in the bottom of the purse, as they couldn't be shrunk due to the risk of structural damage. She flicked her wand and Severus watched in awe as thousands of books filled out the shelves. Hermione continued through the library- though tempted to browse her new additions, she managed to deny the impulse by promising herself that she'd do it later– and found a large workroom with a cauldron and counters in one corner and everything she could possibly need for spell-crafting in the one opposite. Another desk sat in this room, this one large and L-shaped giving her plenty of space for book-writing and other forms of written work. The fourth corner of the room was empty, although in her mind, she had already pictured a thousand and one uses for the corner.

Continuing through, she found a small bathroom with a normal-sized tub and a modest guest bedroom done in neutral browns and a royal blue. Finding another staircase, she traipsed down the stairs into a large kitchenette with a small table set for four. Spotting a door on the opposite side, she walked through and ended up back into her sitting room from behind a portrait that she hadn't noticed before. Severus, who had been keeping a steady pace behind Hermione, joined her in the sitting room, and Hermione gestured for him to follow her back through to the kitchen.

"Minnie, would you like to stay for some tea?" she called up the stairs, and the jumped as Minerva tapped her on the shoulder from behind. "Oh goodness, you snuck up on me!" she said.

"Of course, dear. I'd be glad to," she said, taking a seat on one of the chairs around the table. Hermione glanced toward Severus.

"Would you care to join us as well, Severus?" she asked. The man seemed amiable enough to joining the two women, so while the kettle was boiling, they related the tale of Ron and Molly to the Headmistress. Minerva made for a good audience, gasping and laughing at all the right times, then applauded Hermione for her clever wandwork. Munching on a biscuit, she looked toward her host.

"Hermione, what have the Potters to say about this situation?" she asked. Hermione jumped up in alarm.

"Oh my, I forgot to owl Harry! I suppose I'll just have to pay a visit to him later this evening." Minerva smiled.

"Do invite them to dinner, dear. It would be grand to visit with them a bit," she offered, ignoring Severus' half-hearted protests. Hermione's eyes lit up.

"I'll do just that," she said, then after summoning a parchment, she scribbled a note and banished it to the Potter's table. After a few moments, the fireplace rang, and she rushed into the sitting room to answer it. "Harry!" she exclaimed.

The Man Who Lived Again grinned. "'Mione! Of course we'll join you lot for dinner. Seven as usual?" he asked. Hermione nodded and Harry said he'd see her that evening, disconnecting the call, so she went back to her guests.

"Harry and Ginny will be here. They've missed Hogwarts quite a bit." Minerva beamed, then stood.

"Well, I have paperwork I must attend to. New students and such," she said, then wished them good-day and took her leave. Severus, surprisingly, remained sitting.

"Well, Hermione, I must say I haven't any pressing business elsewhere. Do you need help unpacking?" he asked. She nodded, and the duo went about spelling her belongings to their proper places, and placing the things that didn't really fit into one of the cabinets in the kitchen. Setting aside her Fire Lily, she promised it aloud that she would ask Pomona to watch over it in the greenhouses. After she was done, Hermione offered a game of chess.

"Perhaps that isn't the wisest idea, _Professor Granger. _I'm _quite_ skilled," he teased. Not willing to let him have the last word, she teased back.

"Of that, I have no doubt, but how are you at chess?" she taunted, then shrieked when he responded.

"I'll show you skilled," he growled, then made a grab at her. She ran up the stairs and through the guest room, back into the workroom he caught her in the empty corner. "_Rictusempra!"_ he barked then howled with glee and she doubled over in laughter and managed to curse him back with a dancing hex. He returned with a charm that turned her hair bright pink then received a jelly-legs jinx on his already uncontrolled dancing legs, so he began flopping about while trying to duel Hermione in a humorous battle.

Managing to _Finite_ his legs, he tackled Hermione onto the cushioned floor, and in a moment of weakness, noticed how her eyes sparkled with delight. Unable to stop himself, he leaned toward the now still Hermione, her eyes wide in anticipation.

Neither can say who started it, but their lips met in a barely-controlled flurry and that was how Remus and Tonks found them some several minutes later.

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_Reviews are appreciated._

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Okay, so I know I'm evil. Before you accuse me of making things too fast, wait until the next chapter which I'll probably post tonight. I want my review count to hit at _least_ 30 before I post it though, so review. ^_^

Until then, hope your day is well. - Rei


	6. Remembering Sunday

Wow! You guys and gals are awesome. This is the most response I've ever gotten for a story. I'm not sure how long I'll drag this out to, but I'm aiming for at least 50,000 words. Reviews spoil me completely, so spoil me rotten!  
Notice: Looking for beta: interested? PM me.  
I'd like to take a moment to answer reviews:**  
Aschmieman:** Thanks! I'm one-a-day whenever possible – your daily dose of vitamin SSHG  
**iras:**Thanks and enjoy. ^_^  
**Her Royal Goddess:** Thank you, I'll send him first class in nothing but a green and black bow. ^_- I'm glad you're enjoying this.  
**Irritable-Grizzly69: **I positively hate Ron, so bashing him is fun. I can't picture Severus as a constant bastard, I mean, anyone who can love someone unerringly for so long can't be all bad. A good bit. ^_^ Thanks for the review!  
**Me14: **Oh, I think that's the least of their problems. She hasn't been, but that doesn't mean she'll jump straight into another relationship while still married. She's not that kind of girl. ^_- Thanks for the review!  
**Maharet22: **I think we've all got a few exes we'd like to do that to. Thanks for the review!  
**Animaltalker:** Oddly enough, your review made me the happiest of any of them. I swear, I cackled like a witch and frightened even myself when I did so. Thanks for the review!  
**EndlesslySnape:** Thanks for the review: Here's what happens next, and I'll leave it up to you to determine if you find it "interesting"  
**LadyBookworm80: **Thanks, and which of Severus' cheeks? ^_-  
**Alan's Only: **Of course! You'll see my plans for the castle and our resident Charms teacher. ^_- I'll let you know about the beta.  
**Jirle:** Thanks. I don't really picture him as super angsty... I mean, he'd be lucky to come out alive, so of course he'd be grateful. It's a second chance for him. Of course we'll see his snarky side some, he wouldn't be Snape without it.  
**Catysmom: **Thanks!  
**Neverest: ** Thanks for the review, but I couldn't resist, haha. My deepest apologies... okay, not really. Cliffies are too much fun. ^_^ Read on, MacDuff.  
**Notwritten: **Thanks. You too. ^_^  
**CeliaEquus:** Alright, alright, I posted. Thanks!  
**Sinthya Van Dan: **Thanks for the review! Here you go!  
**Evil-vile-kitty:** Thanks! Here you go!  
Thanks to everyone who's reviewed and anyone who's stuck with me thus far, as well as everybody that has me on an alert list.

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**DISCLAIMER:** _If you recognize it, it's probably not mine.

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Ch. 6 – Remembering Sunday

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_Now this place is familiar to him. She pulled on his hand with a devilish grin. She led him upstairs, she led him upstairs left him dying to get in... Even though she doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call her bluff... who could deny these butterflies?" - All Time Low

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Hermione was deeply into the kiss, reveling in the amount of passion her most hated professor was showing her, then pulled back as he abruptly stopped at the sound of someone coughing. She held his obsidian gaze for a few more seconds until she heard a familiar voice.

"I guess we found them, Remus," came Tonks' cheery voice, "so perhaps we should go now?"

Severus jumped up from his position on the floor, unpinning Hermione and extending an arm to help up. Ever glad for his loose robes, he hauled her onto her feet, then looked at the pair standing across the room. Hermione, however, couldn't take the awkward silence.

"Um, we were on our way to play chess, and -" her rambling was cut off by Tonks' smirk and Remus' raised eyebrow.

"Is that what they call it these days?" Remus jibbed, ignoring Severus' stern glare.

"- We were dueling and he tickled me and then I -" Hermione was cut off again, this time by Severus' hand over her mouth.

"Don't bother, Hermione; they'll make of it what they want. Speaking of which, what are you doing here?" he implored.

"We came to see how Hermione was settling in. We knocked on the portrait, and apparently it was open so we came in. We looked all over the bottom floor and called her name but no one answered, then we heard something hit the floor up here and so, erm, we found you," Tonks finished on a slightly awkward note.

"Well, if you'll head back downstairs, I'll be with you in a moment," said Hermione. "Severus, I'd like a word?" he blinked at her for a second, then nodded.

"Don't be too long or we'll come back with a firehose," Tonks laughed and Hermione half-heartedly joined in while Severus glared on, but Remus simply looked confused. Tonks patted him on the back and led him down the staircase, and could be heard explaining firehoses and Muggle expressions about PDA as she went.

"Severus, I, um, well," she started, then seeing that she couldn't find the words, stopped and started again, "I, er," she paused. "Thank you." Of all the things that she could have said, this was certainly the one he least expected.

"Whatever for?" he asked. She smiled.

"For proving to me that my marriage is truly over." His eyes widened.

"Oh my, I must apologize, I didn't consider that you are a married woman and -" she cut him off with a finger over his mouth.

"Severus, you've done nothing wrong. My divorce papers are already in circulation, and it's only a matter of time before they are finalized. Please, don't regret that kiss, it was fabulous," she said, then she did something even more unexpected: she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him again.

Just as he was snapped out of his shock and was beginning to respond by pulling her closer and attempting to deepen the kiss, she pulled back with his hands around her waist and giggled.

"Now, now. There are guests downstairs," she said with a devilish grin, ducking out of his arms and running towards the stairs, scooping up her discarded wand as she went. Severus broke out of his aroused stupor, then ran after the witch, but switched to a dignified stride as he hazily recalled the intruders sitting somewhere below him. He found them chatting happily in the sitting room and took a seat in one of the nearby armchairs.

He listened as she animatedly told her older friends about her encounter with Ron that morning, then Molly, then about unpacking and her suite, and finally about Harry and Ginny joining them for dinner that evening. On that note, he glanced at the clock on the mantle, and realized it was about an

hour before they were due to arrive. Pointing out the time to his companions, he excused himself, then made his way to his quarters on the floor above. He mind was still reeling from Hermione's kiss and he needed a very cold shower if he were going to be able to rationalize the situation and still be able to sit beside her at dinner.

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Meanwhile, Hermione's guests excused themselves as well, but not before Tonks made Hermione promise to visit her later, then Hermione went to her bathroom to get ready for dinner. A fast shower was followed by her spelling her hair dry and pinning it back up into a twist, then she headed to her wardrobe to find something appropriate for dinner, as whenever guests arrived, despite being cherished alumni, it was tradition to go a bit beyond business casual, although not exactly formal.

She settled for an amber sheath that rather highlighted her eyes and flaunted her small figure, then found matching heels to top off the ensemble. Pulling out a silk robe a dark shade of honey, she slid it on over her arms and secured it between her breasts. Looking herself over in the mirror, she was awarded with a "your man will certainly appreciate that, darling," at which she blushed then hurried over to the floo and called Severus' rooms.

At his answer, she asked if he would like to accompany her to the Great Hall, which he gamely accepted, then said he would be down in just a few minutes.

"Down?" she wondered aloud. He smirked.

"Believe it or not, the greasy git does _not _ haunt the dungeons. Actually, I haunt the fifth-floor corridor. My rooms are on the opposite end of the hallway from where yours are." He disconnected the call and finished readying himself, then walked down a flight and to the other side of the castle. Announcing his presence to the portrait, it swung open, admitting the Potions Master to the Charms Mistress' quarters.

Hermione heard Severus' call into the bedroom and after a final spritz of perfume, took a deep breath and stepped out into the hallway. She traipsed down the short hallway into her sitting area then caught her breath at the vision in black awaiting her. Severus had pulled his hair into a queue at the nape of his neck and wore black trousers with a dark green long-sleeved shirt and black robes to top off his ensemble.

He smiled as she approached, then looked her over appreciatively, causing the younger woman to blush. He offered his arm and at her acceptance, escorted her down to the Great Hall.

The typical five tables had been banished to storage and replaced with one large, round table in place of the usual High table. Severus graciously led Hermione to a seat beside Tonks in a cheery violet and sat down beside her with Minerva on his opposite side. Hermione, perched daintly on the edge of her seat, began to chatter happily with Tonks and Remus while Minerva eyed Severus sharply, to the point where the former spy became uncomfortable.

"For Heaven's sake, what is it, Minnie?" he finally relented. Her eyes sparkled dangerously as she replied.

"One might speculate that you have a budding interest in our newest addition to the staff, am I correct?" she muttered in a low tone. Severus was at a bit of a loss.

"After all these years of you telling me to be more social, you complain over me welcoming our new colleague to the staff?" he said, as he tried to search for a pragmatic reason to be socializing with Hermione. Minerva was taken aback.

"Not at all, Severus. Merely interested in your motives."

"When I need your help on social matters, I'll be sure to let you know. Until then, you can be assured I'll not harm your precious Gryffindor," he said, getting mildly agitated. Before Minerva could retort or a no-holds-barred argument erupted at the table, the doors swung open, and the entrance of the Chosen One and his most cherished interrupted the course of the discussion.

Most of the staff jumped to their feet to greet Harry who held a four-year-old James Potter's hand with a three-year-old Albus clutching the one on opposite side between a grinning Ginny who held baby Lily in her arms. Lily was passed to her godmother who cooed happily over her while Severus watched on in mild interest at the latest brood of Potters.

James ran happily over to "Grandma Minnie" while Albus was picked up and swung around while giggling happily by his Uncle Remus. Severus saw how happy Hermione looked with little Lily and just couldn't bring himself to make a scathing remark about baby-sitting Potter brats at dinner. Instead, he looked at her imploringly, then filed away his thoughts for a more appropriate time.

Severus was ripped out of his reverie by the deep voice of Harry Potter himself.

"Sir, it's good to see you. I trust you've been well, yes?" He asked. Severus accepted his outstretched hand and shook it, then nodded.

"Quite. Yourself?" At Harry's answering nod, he continued, "How old is the little one?" Harry seemed a bit surprised by the older man's interested, but proudly answered, announcing that she was three months old. Severus answered with a concise nod and a slight smile, then gestured toward the empty seats beside Minerva and helped Harry Conjure a high-chair and two booster seats.

Minerva said a few words once everyone was settled, then tapped her glass and the table filled itself with many kinds of nourishment. The meal passed by pleasantly, as the group caught up on recent events and gossiped about the latest scandals.

Severus marveled that he was presented with this opportunity, as he had once believed he would never have the chance to see the Wizarding World at peace once more. He cherished the moment, filing it away to be reminisced over at a later date and once again thanked whichever deity was listening that he had made the right choices and was able to live his life without a false persona to push everyone away from him.

The sound of metal tapping on crystal pulled him out of his musings. Harry Potter stood from his seat and held his glass raised high.

"I'd like to make a toast to nine years of peace, friendship, and love. May the peace be ever-lasting and the love never end." Severus smiled as he realized the Man Who Lived Again echoed his sentiments almost exactly. The group toasted and cheers bounced around the Great Hall. When everyone settled down, Ginny stood and raised her glass.

"Here's to Hermione Granger, the new Charms Mistress and the smartest woman I know."

"Here, here!" the group answered as Hermione blushed a wonderful shade of rose, and the group of friends downed another glass. Snape smirked at her in amusement as he drank. Minerva, seeing his smirk, stood to put him back in his place.

"To Severus Snape, the Slytherin whose bravery rivals a Gryffindor's!" she exclaimed, and the group chanted back and drank. Minerva remained standing and clapped her hands. "Let the dancing begin!" she said, and music began as everyone piled out onto the floor.

A Viennese waltz began and Severus offered his hand to Hermione, who giggle and took it. The pair made their way around whirling and twirling gracefully, albeit a bit drunkenly on Hermione's part. A few different times found Severus trading her off with a variety of men, including Remus and Harry as well as Hagrid. After preventing her from twisting her ankle for the third time that night, Severus sat her down at the table.

He couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her, despite how her hair had began to tumble out of its confinement – or maybe especially because of that – and how her robe was slipping on her shoulder, revealing bare skin from her long neck to the line of her breasts. He knew it was too much, too fast, but he still couldn't resist. Just as he stood to make his excuses so he might hide in his quarters and get totally hammered, Hermione called for a toast.  
He wasn't as worried as he should have been – after all, people had been calling toasts all evening, and they got progressively sillier as the collective group became progressively sloshed. He figured that this one couldn't rival Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin's toast to multi-colored werepups so it wouldn't be anything to concern himself with. Never in his life had he been more wrong.

A drunken Hermione stood up on her chair, leaving Severus to steady her as she wobbled dangerously in golden stiletto heels. With all eyes on her, she raised her glass and proclaimed to the room at the top of her voice before promptly passing out into his waiting arms:

"To Severus Snape, the best kisser in Britain!"

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I'm not really sure if you'd call that a cliff-hanger, but oh well. I barely made my chapter-a-day... Made it by 46 minutes, so yay me! Review are appreciated, and I'd like to hit at least 50 before I post another chapter. I absolutely adore every single one of you and I hope that you'll review. God bless and good night – Rei.


	7. Alcohol

I'm sorry this chapter got out so late. I'm afraid it's not quite as good as the others, but you'll appreciate the next chapter a bit more after this one, if it falls as planned. I mentioned to a friend of mine that I was writing HP fanfiction, and he was like "Oh, like the computers?" which led to a discussion about a steamy love triangle between a Pentium 4 processor, a printer and an HP as well as an epic battle with a Dell and a Mac. I'm still looking for a Beta, PM me if you're interested. I'd like to quickly answer some reviews:

**Her Royal Goddess: **You spoil me. Thanks! ^_^  
**notwritten: **Thanks!  
**CeliaEquus: ** Haha, thanks for clarifying that. Here, hopefully this chapter will be hair-dye for you. Thanks!  
**LadySnape88: **Thanks!  
**Helewele: **Thanks, that was my favorite line thus far.  
**Iras:** Well, that would be this chapter. Thanks!  
**Atomicmom:** I'm glad you like it. I'm sure we've all heard a hilariously inappropriate drunken toast at some point in our life, yes? It being his second chance at everything he ever wanted, I can't really see such an intelligent man turning it down. Thanks for the review!  
**Slytherin-Me:** Thanks, I'm glad. As I said before, it's a chance he didn't have previously. Thanks for the review!  
**Cc:** Thanks!

To everyone who's reviewed or that has me on an alert list of some sort, thank you so much, you're why I do this.

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**DISCLAIMER:** _If you recognize it, it's probably not mine._

_

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_

Ch. 7 – Alcohol

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_You had some of the best times you'll never remember with me: alcohol – Brad Paisley_

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_

Severus caught Hermione the looked around to see every face in the Great Hall staring at them in interest. He gave them his best glare, but most of the room was too drunk to care. He sighed and shook his head, then decided not to bother. Praying that everyone wouldn't remember this is the morning, he swept out of the room with his robes billowing behind him, Charms Mistress cradled in his arms.

He took the less-traveled routes of the castle and quickly arrived to Hermione's rooms. He barked the password at the portrait and walked briskly into her bedroom. He sat her gently on the bed, then Summoned a Sober Serum from the loo. He poured it down her throat then watched her wake up with a stern glare on his face. She stared back groggily in confusion.

"Severus, why am I in my bedroom?" she asked, then paused, "why are you glaring at me like that? What happened at dinner?"

"Well, perhaps if you had refrained from getting completely knackered, you might remember the events of this evening," he said in his best Potions Master voice. Hermione looked a bit frightened.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to get drunk, it's just that I'm such a lightweight and everyone kept making toasts and then all the different wines and I hope I didn't say anything I'll regret!" At her frantic look, he finally gave and burst into laughter.

It was a rich, warm sound that emanated from what felt like the man's very soul, and Hermione vowed to herself that she would hear that sound on a regular basis if she had any say whatsoever. Focusing back on the moment, she turned a deep scarlet as she realized she had probably done exactly what she was terrified of doing.

As the older man laughed so hard that tears were beginning to collect in the corners of his eyes, the woman became more and more distraught. Finally, wiping his eyes with his hand, he took a breath and said what she was afraid to hear.

"Well, I wouldn't say you're the only one who will regret it. Let's just hope I was the only person there that was sober – except for, of course, the kids." Hermione jumped up at this thought.

"Oh no, if we were all drunk, who was tending the kids?" she asked, visibly shaken at the thought of an inebriated Hagrid dancing clumsily with a mortified baby Lily. Severus suppressed another bout of laughter and responded.

"Dobby and Winky have the Potter brats in their care. I had called them directly after the third toast, because I hypothesized they shouldn't be subjected to our comrades." The fierce look on Hermione's face softened and she let out a deep sigh.

"So, tell me, Severus, what did I say?" she finally asked after a few minutes of silence. He smirked.

"Well, I must thank you for your belief that I'm the best kisser in Britain, but perhaps that's a bit of a stretch – after all, I'm sure that you haven't kissed ever person in the United Kingdom." Hermione's eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

"Oh my god, Severus, I'm so sorry!" she said, but he interrupted.

"Oh don't worry, I found it quite the compliment," he smirked.

"I shouldn't have said that; it must have embarrassed you! And what will they think? My divorce hasn't even gone through! I'll be labeled a Scarlet Woman again!" she rambled on endlessly until Severus sat down beside her and placed a finger on her lips in effort to quiet her.

"Hermione, they are your friends, not Rita Skeeter. Besides, I think you might want to look at the papers were slid under your sitting room entrance before you declare yourself still married, they had the Ministry seal on them.

At this, Hermione jumped up with an excited squeak and ran into the next room, snatched the papers from the floor and ripped open the official-looking envelope. Severus followed, entering the room with grace and seating himself on her sofa.

"YES! They're here, Severus, they're here! Look!" she said then tossed him the letter on top of a thick stack of papers.

_Hermione, _

_ Your request was on rush thanks to some special prodding, so I congratulate you on once again being Hermione Granger and a free woman able to do whatever she wishes, The papers are enclosed. Owl me at any time if you need something or would like to meet for lunch._

_ Best wishes – Kingsley_

He reread the message carefully, filing away the information for later, then summoned a bottle of bubbly from his quarters.

"Well Miss Granger, I believe this calls for a celebration," he said as he flicked his wand and Conjured two crystal wine glasses and uncorked the bottle. They took a seat together on the sofa and toasted to her new freedom, then drained their glasses while Severus related the details of the earlier celebration to Hermione.

His better judgment forsaking him for the benefit of liquid courage, they continued to drink the very strong champagne and before long, both were nothing short of rip-roaring drunk, as Severus still suffered the mild effects of the drinking in the Great Hall. Pausing to scrutinize her carefully, he hesitated before he asked the question that had been on his mind for several hours.

"Hermione, I noticed earlier how much you positively adored your godchildren, yet you have none of your own. You would make an excellent mother, so may I ask why you haven't any children?"

A timid look passed over her face for a second before she gave a slight smile and blushed a bit.

"Well, this may sound strange, but I'm holding out for love. The longer I was married to Ronald, the less I loved him, and by the time our spat occurred this morning, I was completely positive I no longer felt anything at all for Ron Weasley. He didn't love me, he loved the idea of me." Severus nodded.

"Yes, sad as it is to say, Weasley did not want anything but a large family and you two were rather ill-suited." Hermione nodded then smirked.

"Well, Mr. Snape, since you fancy yourself a matchmaker, do tell me who I am more suited for." He paused as if truly thinking it over, then looked her straight in the eye and spoke in a deadpan, monotone voice that would haunt Hermione for months to come.

"Me."

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Please review, I swear I'll post earlier tomorrow. I know this was a bit of a short chapter, but I had a very rough day. Father's day is hell on me, because my dad was murdered back in '99 leaving me fatherless at a very young age. The strong bout of depression coupled with another relapse in my medical problems left me a bit worn and I didn't feel like doing anything today except lying around and crying. Appreciate what you have and live each moment like your last – Rei.


	8. Nails For Breakfast, Tacks For Snacks

Here's another installment of the never ending story. I'm blessed to have such wonderful reviewers, and I have to say, hearing kind thoughts helped me make it through today. Read on, for the next chapter.

**Sleepingbutterfly:** Thanks!  
**Catysmom: **Thanks!  
**Atomicmom: **Thank you so much. I needed to hear (read) that, because this has been a horribly daunting day for me both physically and emotionally. God bless.  
**Me14: **Thanks! You'll see. ^_-  
**Her Royal Goddess:** Thank you so much. Your kind words helped me get though the day. God bless.  
**Midnightawakenonyou:** Here you go, thanks!

A thousand and one thanks again to all my reviewers and anyone who has me added on their alert list or favorites list. You're why I do this.

Please continue to review.

**

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DISCLAIMER:**_ If you recognize it, it's probably not mine_

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Ch. 8 – Nails for Breakfast, Tacks for Snacks

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Watch your mouth, because your speech is slurred enough that you just might swallow your tongue. I'm sure you'd want to give up the ghost with just a little more poise than that... - Panic at the Disco_

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"_Me._"

* * *

The word seemed to echo within their heads, and the silence that followed seemed almost deafening.

* * *

Ron Weasley was furious. He didn't know the counter-curse to undo Hermione's castration hex, and he was a bit too proud to go to Saint Mungo's and admit what had happened. His mother had told him she didn't know how to get his bits back, and he was running out of options. Finally, he had an idea. Rushing to retrieve a quill and parchment, he scribbled out a missive to the Auror Headquarters and sent the poorly-formed paper airplane flying away hastily.

* * *

Minerva paced her office in frustration. Being one of the few who were sober enough to hear Hermione's toast, she had thought quickly and decided to cast a complicated charm to make the other party-goers believe it was a figment of their drunken imaginations.

A quick glance around the room showed that Lupin was quite sober (the werewolf in him held his liquor well) and that he seemed unsurprised. Harry Potter, however, appeared to be gobsmacked by the thought that his best friend had snogged the bat of the dungeons, despite the alliance he had with the elder man after the war.

Scuttling over to the young wizard as fast as her robes would allow, she had held a hurried whispered discussion that Remus had invited himself into, and they had formed the Sober Trio.

"Harry, dear boy, I must remind you that this is Hermione we are talking about. She has a good head on her shoulders and she always backs her choices with logic. I'm sure that she knows what she's doing," Minerva tried to convince him. Remus added his two bits.

"Besides, it seems to be a very new, but very intense thing. She was smiling all afternoon and from what I can tell, she's happy."

Harry just opened and shut his mouth repeatedly, half-formed words spluttering ignobly from his lips. Minerva shared a look with Remus as they both wondered if it would be easier just to Obliviate the poor boy. Finally, a punch-drunk Ginny ambled by and forcibly closed his mouth on her way around the dance floor in the arms of Hagrid. Minerva was amazed the action didn't snap his tongue in two.

The two professors pinned Harry with intense gazes, until he finally calmed down enough to swallow whatever argument he was about to have and listen to what they had to say.

"Harry, it may seem too soon or sudden for you, but he is what she needs. He is a friend." Minerva calmly intoned this sentiment to the young man.

Harry rather thought that kissing put someone as more than a friend, but wisely remained silent. He nodded his acceptance, took two deep breaths, then walked gingerly over toward the flowing wine fountain and stuck his glass under. Downing it in one swallow, he apparently decided it wasn't enough and tossed his wineglass aside, then leaned down and drank directly from the waterfall of alcohol.

His former teachers watched in amazement, Remus' expression somewhat that of awe while Minerva's seemed to favor disgust, as the once-Boy-Who-Lived got well and truly drunk. The teachers stared at each other for a second, then played the most absurd game of rock-paper-scissors that Hogwarts had ever seen. Minerva grinned in triumph as Remus sighed in resignation and went to corral his surrogate godson.

* * *

Severus watched as the thoughts seemed to spin endlessly through Hermione's mind. At that moment, he realized he was more afraid than he'd been in ages. A boundless stream of _What ifs _wove its way into the back of his mind. _What if she says 'no'? What if it's too fast? What if I misread her? What if she thinks I'm too old? What if she won't forgive my past? What if she wants to wait? What if she hates me? _He gave himself a mental shake and tried to clear his mind of the taunting questions, but despite most of the worries dissipating at the thought that he was being ridiculous, one question rang clearly in his mind:

_What if she says 'yes'?_

Never had he been more sure of himself. He thought that she was beautiful when most found her acceptable. He thought she was brilliant, when, well, nearly everyone will agree to that. He found her hilarious, when most found her humor lacking. He found her witty when most would say she was a know-it-all. He thought she was charming when most barely attractive. He thought her passion fiery while most believed she was just a bitch. He thought she was perfect; perfect for him, anyway – perfect for the greasy git of the dungeons, for the former spy, for the former Death Eater.

The more he thought about it, the more he realized just how wrong for him Lily Evans-Potter was and just how right Hermione Granger is. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to beg her to stay with him, to share his company and banter happily about books and brew potent potions and create complex charms and share those passionate, soul-searching kisses that she was just so spectacular at giving him.

No. He couldn't ask that. Surely to God she would think him insane and then she would never shine her sparkling light onto his life again, so he settled for simply waiting. If she said she wanted to wait, he would wait for her – after all, he waited 19 years for a dead woman, what's a few years for a living one? If she said no, he would just keep trying until she said yes. And if she said yes, he'd take the moment and run with it.

Severus found himself unwilling to break the deafening silence in the room, and he feared that if he opened his mouth, he would start a hundred sentences at once and then end up stuttering and swallowing his tongue before the moment was gone.

Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he pondered the exact contents of the bubbly, and whether or not it was because he was sloshed that he had brazenly spoken before he planned his answer in the most Gryffindor-ish way possible, or if it was because he was compelled to tell the truth by some hidden charm in the champagne.

* * *

Ron Weasley stood before the Head Auror, who at the moment was Hestia Jones, and watched on in something akin to horror as she doubled over in laughter at his claim and then summoned her on-duty staff to share in the disbelief. He became mortified when she had sent him to the loo with Draco Malfoy to verify that his manly bits were missing, and he could have died when Malfoy ran out of the loo screaming at the top of his lungs that he loved and worshipped Hermione Granger, the heroine to finally castrate Ron Weasley.

Ron had no idea what to make of the situation. He resisted the urge to cast Unforgivables on every single one of those present, and bit his tongue when Hestia had boldly asked what he had done to deserve this punishment. He had snapped that it was none of her business, just to tell him whether or not he could press charges, and was once more gobsmacked by Hestia and Draco leaning on each other for support as they nearly fell to the floor due the intensity of their laughter.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN'S BALLS IS SO FUNNY?" he screamed at the Aurors.

"You... You don't... You have no idea..." Hestia choked out between laughs. Ron continued to scream obscenities.

"That spell was created especially for dolts like you, Weasley. No, you can't press charges," Draco managed to bite out between laughs.

"What do you mean, Malfoy?" he spat, pointing his wand towards the Auror.

"First of all Weasley, I don't think it's very wise of you to hold an Auror at wandpoint in a room full of Aurors. Second, I think I'll redirect your query to the Department of Mysteries. Thank you and have a nice day." At that, Ron Weasley flew backward out the doors and onto his hind quarters. His hide was bruised, his pride was bruised, and he was more confused than he started out as. Sighing, he made his way toward the Department of Mysteries.

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Hermione's mind was spinning, Severus' statement still reverberating in her mind over the roar of silence. She said the only word that came to mind.

"Okay."

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Well, that's that. It's been a very trying day today, but I've pulled through. Time to re-immerse myself in real life again and hope that it's enough to keep me distracted for another year. Reviews are much appreciated, so please do so. All the love I have left to give – Rei.


	9. Stealing Kisses

Okay, okay so I managed to get this chapter up BEFORE 9 o'clock. ^_^ I'm quite proud to admit that my reviewers are AWESOME and I've had a wonderful day because I got to ride in a white Mustang with a hot driver who seems to be interested in me. Be jealous, be very jealous. ^_^

Time to answer some reviews:

**atomicmom: **That was the idea! Thanks, I do try, and after all he's such a pessimist, teehee. Thanks for the review!  
**Catysmom: **Thanks, here you go. ^_^

**HarryPGinnyW4Eva:** Thank you very much. I definitely needed to hear that I'm sorry for your loss as well. Hugs back at you, and thank you for the review!  
**Lady-night-shade04:** Haha, thanks.

**Her Royal Goddess: **Thanks. I'm between the epic RPS game and Draco's declaration, but I have to say, I was sitting here thinking "What would be the most unexpected way that Minerva would make a decision, and then I thought back to Foot-Cockroach-Atomic Bomb and I was like "OHHHHH YES, ROCK PAPER SCISSORS!" Thanks for your concern and your review. ^_^  
**Beautiful-Liar13: **Thanks. _Maybe. _If he's well-behaved and nice to me for a while.

**Midnightawakenonyou: ** Thanks, haha.

**LadySnape88: **Thanks!

**Sleepingbutterfly:** Much like seeing a review from you makes me smile then. ^_^ Thanks a lot!

As always, thanks to all of my reviewers as well as those who have me on alerts or favorites, because they brighten my day and make me want to write more. ^_^

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and now, I'd like to present another portion of my HP romance:

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Ch. 9 – Stealing Kisses

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DISCLAIMER: If you recognize it, it's probably not mine.**

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"_It's late enough all you kids should be home," the policeman says as he takes your beer for his own – Faith Hill_

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_She gasped as he explored his way through her shaking body. He hummed with delight as he tickled her insides with his gentle probbing and when he hit her button just right, she let out a satisfying scream. Dell was horribly jealous as he watched from across the room as he impaled his tool in her repeatedly, then slowed as satisfaction washed over both of their faces and the movement stilled. The repair-man had taken his bride, forever tainting the sleek frame of Pavilliona Hewlett-Packard. _

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Okay, I'm kidding, but after my friend had misinterpreted "HP" as Hewlett-Packard instead of Harry Potter, I had to tease him a little bit, so Calcatron, that one was for you. Now the real deal:

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Severus was aghast. He stared at her and just blinked at her for a few moments in disbelief.

"Okay?" he questioned.

"Okay." she confirmed. They sat in an awkward, tipsy silence as Severus continued to stare blankly at his companion. Finally, he took a breath.

"Hermione, forgive my ignorance. What exactly do you mean by 'okay'?"

She would have laughed, but the voice in the back of her head overpowered her drunkenness with a reminder that a man's pride was on the line.

"It means okay." At his glare, she suppressed another laugh. "Okay means that you're probably right."

Severus wasn't sure what to say, so he just kept quiet. She felt awkward under Severus' scrutinizing gaze. Finally, she had enough and abruptly stood up, walked over and sat down on his legs. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward.

"_Forgive me." _she echoed from hours before, then bent downward and captured his lips with hers. His initial response was stilled surprise, then he eagerly leaned into her embrace and locked his hands around her hips, pulling her flush against him and the evidence of his arousal. Her tongue ran sensually over his lips, seeking entrance, and he opened his mouth to her, their tongues dueling in a raging battle for control.

Severus growled and pulled her tighter against him as she tangled her hand in his hair to deepen the kiss. Hermione moaned as he withdrew for air, then her gasp turned to a sharp hiss as he unexpectedly bit into her neck. The voice in her head was screaming for her to stop while her body argued to take it farther. The decision was made when Minerva abruptly tumbled from the Floo and fired off a hex that sent Hermione toppling out of Severus' lap as his chair propelled backwards against the wall.

"Severus Tobais Snape, I demand you leave this instant. I don't mind if you have a relationship with your coworker, but I'll not have it ruined by a night of drunken sex. Go to your quarters immediately and go to bed." Snape glared, but complied with a mutter comment something along the lines of "yes, mom" then stalked out of Hermione's rooms with a distinctive stagger and slammed the portrait shut as he left.

Minerva aimed a quick charm at Hermione, banishing her dress to the laundry and replacing it with pajamas, then escorted the girl to bed while muttering obscenities under her breath. Hermione's head hit the pillow and she was out like a light. Satisfied at the separation of the pair, she spelled off the lights in Hermione's bedroom. She headed towards the door but a gleaming bottle caught her eye, so she decided to examine it more closely. Finding the bottle to be some rather expensive champagne, she 'confiscated' it and exited the suite.

* * *

Severus Snape was angry. He waited for about ten minutes, stripping down to his boxers, then he Floo'ed himself into Hermione's quarters. Finding the witch in her bed, he slipped in beside her and kissed her awake. Hermione leaned happily into his embrace and gasped as the coolness of his chest soaked into her nightgown. She moaned as his erection pressed demandingly at her core, then fell asleep as her drunkenness overruled her arousal. Severus sighed in defeat then curled his arm around her and slept.

* * *

Ron Weasley slammed open the door to the Department of Mysteries, startling the secretary who was giving herself a manicure so that her hand slipped and painted her cuticle. She looked up in fright.

"May I help you, sir?" she asked.

"Let me talk to your sodding supervisor," he growled. The secretary – whose nametag read Shelly – looked taken aback.

"Pardon me sir, but there is no reason to be rude about it. What is so urgent?" she defended.

"Hermione sodding Granger," he barked. The secretary was confused.

"I'm sorry, sir, but Ms. Granger-Weasley doesn't work here any more," she intoned.

"I know, I'm her goddamned ex-husband. Now let me talk to your damn supervisor, witch." he snapped. She didn't seem impressed.

"Now I'll have you know Mr. Weasley, Ms. Granger is a highly respected woman here at the Department of Mysteries and you coming in here with that attitude will only lead me to call security. Please leave and come back when you're in a better mood." At that, two large burly wizards entered the room and hauled him out of the room as he screamed obscenities at the top of his lungs.

* * *

Draco looked down at the report in his hand and smiled. He read the first line of the statement and chuckled. He read the first paragraph and started laughing. He read the second paragraph and had to hold his sides. By the time he finished the report, he had fallen out of the seat and was rolling, tears streaming down his face and the sparkles in his eye dancing with delight. He took one glance at the bottle memory and decided to save it for a droll day, then crumpled the report into a ball and tossed it in the bin. Ronald Weasley had made his day.

* * *

Remus escorted his surrogate family home and put his godson and wife to bed, then he piggy backed the boys up to their room after putting little Lily into her crib. He tucked the boys in and read them a story, then turned the lights off, locked the house, and apparated back to Hogwarts.

He met a grinning Minerva at the gate and inwardly sighed in exasperation.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Hermione and Severus. They'll be a couple yet. I walked in on them... _snogging_ as the children would put it, both of them spectacularly smashed. I put them to bed separately and I've already cleaned up the Great Hall, so I'm not in need of your assistance this evening. Feel free to go home to your wife." Remus grinned then almost ran to his quarters, stripping a piece at a time the moment he arrived through the portrait hole, so that by the time he had reached the bedroom, he was ready and awaiting a rowdy Nymphadora.

* * *

Bill Weasley looked at the parchment in front of him in disappointment, realizing that yet another marriage in his family had fallen apart. He realized what the opportunity represented, though, and jumped at the chance to finally bed Hermione with a clear conscience after a long dry spell left by his break-up with Fleur. He glanced at the calendar then clapped his hands and rubbed them in anticipation with a devilish grin on his face.

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Well there's another chapter. I hope you find this satisfying and I'm sorry about the terrible trick I decided to play on you in the beginning. I've had a spectacular day and I might even write another chapter tonight, but it's completely up to you, the reviewers, to convince me to post it. For the moment, I'm off to finally go eat the massive honey bun I've been tempting myself with for two days. Hugs and kisses – Rei. (mm, sugar.)


	10. Simple and Clean

So apparently I threw you a curve ball by adding Bill to the mix. There's a recipe something like break a relationship. Separate Ron from Hermione, binning the Ron. Pour Severus over Hermione and mix well. Add heat and serve. ^_^

I'd like to answer some more reviews:

**LadySnape88: **I like catching people off guard, haha. Thanks for the review  
**Her Royal Goddess: **Thanks, I anticipate reviews from you, hehe. Severus is a very, very bad little boy when Mommy Minerva isn't watching. ^_- After I read a particularly strange fic the other day, I was like "Oh my God, I've gotta throw them a curveball," so I did. I'm glad you loved the mini-fic, I was a bit lacking on the inspiration for this chapter until after I wrote it. ^_^  
**HarryPGinnyW4eva: **Thanks! Yes, yes Bill. Don't worry, this will all be sorted out in the craziest way possible. ^_-  
**NinaCor11:** Thanks, I couldn't help but do it, same with Minnie. I think we've all done something equally silly like that at some point, so I couldn't resist. ^_^  
**catysmom: **Thanks!  
**Sandlapper:** Haha, I agree. Yes, he's very interested, and he has no idea that Hermione might have found someone else already. Severus will most assuredly _not_ be happy about it, because he **doesn't** share well at all.  
**Notwritten:** Thanks!  
**Sleepingbutterfly: **Thanks!  
**Beautiful-Liar13: **Now, Molly would raise hell if her eldest lost his bits, he's actually liked for the most part... besides, it's only legal if it fits the circumstance. Thanks for the review!  
**Atomicmom: **I know, I know, I'm so mean. Good for you, because I'm a bit of a tease. ^_- Bill didn't cheat, that's not why it didn't work with Fleur, but I'll go into that later, haha. Thanks for the review!

Once again, the ever growing alert list, the people who have me or my story as a favorite, and ALL of my magical reviewers, thank you, thank you, thank you and a thousand hugs, kisses, and cookies to all.

_

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If you recognize it, it's probably not mine. _

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Ch. 10 – Simple and Clean

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Hold me, whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on. Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all; Nothing's like before. - Hikaru Utada_

* * *

Hermione stretched, reveling in the strong, solid warmth pressing into her back. Wait, what?

She looked down the line of her body to see a long, muscular arm of alabaster skin wrapped around her waist and a pair of pale, manly legs entangled in hers. She could feel an impressive morning glory pressing into her rear covered by sheer silk, and when she turned to see the a sculpted chest, she found the amused face of one Severus Snape.

He watched as her expression changed from shock to happiness then to confusion. He leaned forward and caught her lips with his, then groaned as she pressed into him. She pulled back, uncomfortable from the awkwardness of the position and looked at him questioningly.

"Severus, did we...?" she trailed off. He quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Did we do what, Hermione?" he asked, just trying to be difficult.

"Did we, you know...?" she responded. He smirked.

"No, I don't know, Hermione. Did we go skiing? Did we swim? Did we make a potion?" he supplied.

"Severus!" she smacked his bare chest with the back of her hand. "Did we..." she hesitated, "oh you know what I mean! Did we shag?" she finally managed.

"Don't yell, Hermione, I have a headache. Would it be a problem if we had?" he asked.

"Well, no, I just would like to remember it if we had... I mean, well," she blushed and he took this opportunity to cut her off.

"Considering you are wearing that atrocity of a nightgown, I would say that no, we didn't, although I must ask, how much did we drink last night?"

She glanced down to see an old-fashioned flannel night gown as she shook her head. "I have no idea, but I feel like I've been ran over by a herd of hippogriffs."

He raised his eyebrow. "You realized you had already taken one Sobering Serum last night, yes?" he asked. She grimaced.

"Oh my, no wonder. I know those don't layer well with more alcohol." They were interrupted, once more, by an incredibly irate Minerva.

"SEVERUS SNAPE, what the bloody hell do you think you are doing here?" she screamed causing both of the younger professors to jump up and for Severus to pull the sheet with him to hide his bear chest.

"I'd say, I was getting ready to go skiing with Hermione, when you entered trying to start a row while both of us have horrendous headaches," he retorted.

Minerva had the grace to look embarrassed then very confused. "You're going skiing?" she asked, "Heavens, it's the middle of summer!" Then she must have remembered why she was there, and her facial features molded themselves into a scowl. "Severus Snape, I sent you to bed last night," she growled. He smirked once more, as both seemed to ignore the scarlet Hermione.

"I would say I ended up in bed, yes. Now Minnie, unless you have something useful to supply, I would request that you leave immediately." Minerva's scowl deepened then she sent Sobering Serums hurtling towards the couple at break-neck speed.

"If you aren't downstairs by lunch, I'm sending Filch to come find you," she spat then stormed out of the room as the pair in bed grimaced at both the potions and the thought of Filch.

"Well, that explains the nightgown, at least," he paused, "unless you normally go to bed dressed like a nun." Hermione shook her head then, her face still a bit bright, faced Severus.

"We're going skiing?" she squeaked, the embarrassment at the euphemism obvious in both her face and her voice.

"Not unless you want to," he smirked, "but I figured it would get Minerva out of the room."

He leaned in and kissed her once more, and together they fell back into bed.

* * *

Bill went to the Magical Menagerie, a florist in Diagon Alley, with a mission in mind. He read over the list of flower meanings and made his selections carefully, then had the arrangement the witch produced packaged with a scarlet ribbon and sent to Hermione's rooms at Hogwarts. The witch stopped him as he headed out the door.

"You must be quite crazy about her, yeah?" At his nod and smile, she continued. "Why not shower her with flowers, then?" He listened to her proposal, and considered the possibilities.

"Alright. I'll do it."

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Rita Skeeter sat at her desk, staring at a list of topics that she had the chance to cover, but most were too mundane for her tastes. Who wants a story about the Quidditch World Cup _again_ or the lastest broom technology? She was terribly bored, so she transformed into her amimagus the Auror's office, and heard the familiar voice of Draco Malfoy.

"What do you think Weasley did to piss off Granger so much?" she heard him ask someone nearby.

"Draco, you know the requirements for the spell to be legal. He had to have cheated on her," a voice answered, belonging to the Auror Hestia Jones.

"Yes, I know, but it's hard to believe Granger could actually hex someone's bits off," Malfoy responded, then he paused, as if considering it, evidenced by the halting of footsteps in the hallway. "Well, no, I could believe it. She decked me one in third year." Hestia's laugh joined Draco's, and the pair came into view.

"So, I'll bet it was with Brown. She hated the bint, and Weasley always had a thing for her," Draco said.

"Well, you know she's his secretary, Magical Games and Sports," supplied Hestia, "it's very likely."

Colin Creevey, who had been listening from behind his desk cut in. "I heard that he had a drinking problem from Nevile!"

The Aurors continued to gossip, never aware of the lime green beetle on the wall.

* * *

Harry and Ginny sat at the park, watching James and Al play on the swings while Lily cooed from Ginny's arms.

"So, what do you make of this whole thing with Ron and 'Mione?" Ginny asked her husband.

Harry sighed. "As much as I hate to say this, Ron had it coming to him. You've seen how he treated 'Mione. He rarely treated her like she deserves, and he stayed out all the time getting drunk. Hermione deserves so much better than that." Ginny nodded, disappointed in her brother, but accepting of his fate.

"So, did it seem like something was off between her and Snape?" Ginny asked. Harry shrugged.

"He seemed like he's into her... He danced with her all night and then there was that... nevermind," he trailed off, but he had Ginny's full attention.

"That what, Harry? I don't remember anything," she stated. Harry made a face.

"I wish I didn't either."

"Well, what was it?" she pushed.

"I... I think it was a toast that I'm praying I misheard," but at the look on his face, Ginny knew he would say no more.

* * *

Severus and Hermione left her bed after about an hour of kissing and groping, but they both agreed to waiting before going farther, so as not to bollix it up before it even gets started. They made their way to her kitchen, and Hermione made a pot of coffee. Severus looked at her in confusion.

"If you prefer breakfast tea, I can make you some," she offered.

"Oh, no, coffee's fine. I just didn't expect that you indulge in a bad American habit like myself," he replied. He flooed the kitchen's for a breakfast order, then sat back as he watched Hermione – now clad in a skimpy nightgown – moving about the kitchen merrily.

"Perhaps we can play that game of chess we never made it to?" he asked. She nodded and they set up the chess set on the table.

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Okay, I'm cutting it off here, I'm a bit frustrated at the moment and I'm lacking inspiration because of it. I'll post something else tomorrow, but ta ta for now. - Rei


	11. Rumors

Alright, I broke my one-a-day thing, but I'll post another one tonight to make up for it. Had a bit of a crazy time last night, sorry. Please review!

**Notwritten: **Thanks!  
**CeliaEquus: **It's perfectly alright, I was beginning to wonder if you've been okay because I got used to your reviews. Glad you're back! Thanks.  
**HarryPGinnyW4Eva: **Thanks a bunch, I'm back on track. Glad you like it!  
**Beautiful-Liar13: **Thanks! The Prophet actually starts off this chapter, so I'll leave you to it.  
**Her Royal Goddess:** Thanks, but there's a lot more to it than you'll expect. If you can find him, feel free to rent some skis, just use protection - wear a helmet. ^_^  
**catysmom: **Thanks!  
**: **Thanks!  
**Slytherin-Me:** Thank you so much. I try to keep a high amount of humor, because we always need something to brighten the day. I'll say the same thing about you skiiing with Sev as I told Her Royal Goddess. Use protection – wear a helmet.

As always thanks to my reviewers, readers, and alerts and favorites people. You're why I do this.

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**DISCLAIMER:**_ If you recognize it, it's probably not mine...

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Ch. 11 - Rumors

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_I can tell that you're watching me, and you're probably gonna write what you didn't see. - Lindsay Lohan

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**THE GOLDEN COUPLE IS NO MORE? By Rita Skeeter  
** _Rumor has it that one of the two Golden Couples have split writes Rita Skeeter's special correspondent! Loose-moraled Hermione Weasley née Granger who has a reputation of a man-eater filed for a divorce and unbinding from a drunken Ronald Weasley and was granted it immediately yesterday evening. Weasley and Granger have been married since January 1999, best known for a huge role in aiding the Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, in bringing down You-Know-Who. Granger is also known for her successful career as an author of Charms series __**Practical Charms**__ and a number of works published during her career as an Unspeakable. _

_ Many reasons have been speculated including an inebriated Weasley coming home in a drunken rage and an illicit affair with former paramour, Lavender Brown. Weasley (Department of Magical Games and Sports) is accused of being an alcoholic for the last three years, and having an ongoing affair with Brown for the last four. Granger's (Unspeakable – Department of Mysteries) former coworkers stated that -ever a chauvinist- Ron Weasley forced her out of a job to keep her barefoot and pregnant, merrily spending Hermione's money on drinking after already dwindling his meager assets and relying heavily on generous Harry Potter who has supported his brother-in-law's habits up until now, cites my special source._

_ An anonymous source states that Ron Weasley allegedly attempted to assault Granger both physically and verbally in an intoxicated fury, but was quickly quieted as he discovered the use of the Goddess Granger's embarrassing de-manning charm, used legally only on cheating spouses. Weasley refused to comment on this, but did offer that "Granger is still the scarlet woman from her Hogwarts days, not to let her charms fool you. We didn't settle evenly before she kicked me to the curb like yesterday's trash." The elusive Granger was unavailable for comment yesterday, but Brown stated that she would prefer to remain out of the picture for as long as possible. _

_ Is Brown hiding something? Is Granger just as guilty as Weasley? What does Harry Potter have to say about the failed marriage of his best friends? What will become of the remains of the Golden Couple? Will Granger or Weasley face charges for assault? Why did the divorce process so quickly? Is Hermione Granger having an affair with someone higher up?_

_ For more on __**Hermione Granger,**__ turn to __**page 4.**__ For more on __**Ronald Weasley,**__ turn to __**page 6.**__ For more on __**Practical Charms and the castration hex**__, turn to __**page 19. **_

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Hermione gaped as she read the front page of the Prophet that Severus was holding up reading. Judging by his laughter, she could only imagine what page 4, which is what he was undoubtedly reading, might say about her and her past. They had put their game of chess on hold when the food arrived along with a copy of the Prophet, courtesy of Dobby.

"Hermione, did you know that you've dated Harry Potter, Viktor Krum, Neville Longbottom, Draco Malfoy, Colin Creevey, every male Weasley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, Buckbeak the Hippogriff, and three female professors all before you graduated from Hogwarts?" he asked, his incredulous laughter growing at each name. Hermione grimaced and tried to snatch the paper away from her companion.

"Gimme that!" she attempted, but Severus tutted and continued.

"Oh, and you've officially got a God-complex, since you know everything and you humiliate cheating men and pass judgement on them. Congrats, you've been promoted from a know-it-all to a goddess."

"Severus!"

"And since you've spent so much time around people without magic as a muggleborn, that only adds to the idea that you believe yourself superior." She finally managed to snatch the paper out of his hands, ripping it in two in the process, so she tossed in the air with an _Incendio _and a smug look, daring the Potions Master to try and grab it now.

After they had finished their breakfast, they passed the time with a couple games of chess, (Hermione won 3 to 2) until Hermione looked at the time and noticed it was a quarter 'til lunch. Grinning at another checkmate, she spelled the set away and grabbed Severus by the hand, hauling him out of her rooms.

"You don't have to manhandle me, woman. I'm perfectly capable of moving on my own," he chided. Hermione continued to saunter down the hall, seeming completely oblivious to the protests of the professor.

By the time they entered the Great Hall, now hand-in-hand, all eyes were on them as Hermione dropped his hand to scurry towards her seat while he strode purposefully towards his chair as if all were normal.

"Hermione!" Tonks exclaimed, causing the younger woman to squeak a bit in fright. "have you seen the Prophet?" she asked, blatantly ignoring the protests of the others as she spoke without thinking. Despite her embarrassment, the curly-haired witch answered her.

"Snippets... I wonder which of the professors I've dated?" she asked. "It's not you, is it?"

"No, no, of course not! Unless, perhaps, you were two-timing on Remus with me all those times that we were planning the wedding, that is..." Tonks trailed off and then two young witches burst into laughter, followed by the rest of the Hall when they realized Hermione wasn't hysterical about the libel.

"It can't be any worse than the time she called me a cheap floozy when I didn't invite her to the wedding," Hermione laughed, settling back down between Tonks and Severus and grabbed the teapot. She'd finally gotten used to the defamation that follows Rita Skeeter. The summer group sat chatting merrily as they ate, making jokes about the impossible things claimed by Rita Skeeter. Their lunch was interrupted by the arrival of the post. Tonks gasped and pointed as five rather fru-fru and decidedly feminine owls came swooping straight for Hermione with the largest flower arrangement anyone except Pomona Sprout had ever seen.

"Hermione, I think it's for you!" Tonks exclaimed. The tired owls sat down the arrangement in front of her and eyed her imploringly, then happily accepted the crumbs spread about the table. Hermione glanced around in confusion. Remus was inspecting Severus curiously, who caught his gaze and raised an eyebrow with a slight shake of his head.

"They're not from me. I've been too occupied to make it to the..." he trailed off as he read the envelope, "Magical Menagerie," he finished. Tonks reached over and plucked the card out of the arrangement.

"I can't make myself say the words, but I mean them as much as these flowers do. - Love," she read aloud. "The card isn't signed, but the hand-writing looks familiar," she said, passing around the card. All recognized the scrawl, though were unable to place it. Hermione glanced up to find Professor Sprout standing directly in front of her and the flowers.

"My, Hermione, he – at least, I'm assuming it's a he – seems quite besotted with you. Do you know what these mean?" Hermione, who had never really studied into flower meanings, shook her head with an odd expression on her face. Pomona took a breath, as if pausing to scroll through a mental dictionary, and looked back at the new Charms Mistress.

"Well, this one, Flora's Bell, is 'without pretentiousness'," she pointed to a large magenta bellflower. "Ferns mean 'fascination', Kennedia, 'intellectual beauty'. Acacia indicates hidden love, and Arbutus means "I love only thee." Honeyflower means a secret love and affection, while Japonica is sincerity. The Queen Anne's Lace is fantasy, and the coral rose, desire. The red Tulip is a declaration of love while asking you believe them, and finally, the Vervain is enchantment," she finished at a thin, lavender flower.

Remus' face had contracted to a grimace sometime around the first hidden love, and Severus had a scowl as though someone had mentioned James Potter. Tonks, who seemed rather transfixed by the entire ordeal, was snapped out of it at Hermione's declaration.

"By Merlin, whoever this is had best leave me alone, he sounds like a stalker!" Severus only nodded while Minerva looked on in pittance of her once favorite pupil. Severus had locked his jaw in place, secretly consumed by jealousy, and rather peeved about the flowers. Severus got up and stalked off, muttering under his breath something that sounded suspiciously like 'without pretentiousness, my ass' as he went.

Hermione looked up a bit disappointed, but not really sure what to do about it. The arrangement, while gorgeous, was huge and certainly expensive to the point of gaudy and Hermione was quite sure it would never fit in her quarters.

Settling back into the table, someone spelled the flowers so that they floated gently to the floor in front of her and the group began to go through the rest of the post. Finding a letter addressed to her in Kingsley's familiar scrawl, she opened it and read it to herself:

_

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Hermione – Have dinner with me tonight. I'd like to talk to you. – Yours, Kingsley. _

* * *

A bit puzzled, but amiable nonetheless, she scrawled off a reply and sent it back with his Eagle owl, Alyth after petting her affectionately and tossing her an owl treat.

"Oh, was that Alyth?" Tonks asked, recognizing her former coworker's owl. "I need to talk to Kingsley at some point, I wanted to ask him if he still had a book he borrowed from me," she remembered.

"Oh, well, what was the name of the book, I'm having dinner with him, tonight," Hermione said. Tonks thought for a minute.

"I believe it's _Morphing like a Metamorph_ or something like that. It's about self-Transfiguration for non-Metas. Dead useful for Aurors," she told her. Hermione nodded.

"Alright, I'll ask him tonight." Tonks looked at her inquiringly.

"Is it a date, or just a dinner?" she asked. Hermione shrugged.

"No idea, he just said he wanted to talk to me." Tonks eyed her suspiciously.

"You do know that Severus is going to go ballistic? He seems rather into you."

Hermione made a bit of a face. "Yes, but I'm not jumping into anything right now. I just got divorced, and it's only dinner with a friend."

"I hope he knows that," said Tonks.

Hermione looked confused. "Severus or Kingsley?" she asked. Tonks faced her straight on.

"Both," she said cryptically then stood. "Stop by the library before you get ready to leave, I'll come with you and help." Hermione, recognizing this as a chance for some girl-talk, jumped at the offer.

"Sure, I'll see you about four?" she asked. Tonks nodded and left with Remus in tow.

Minerva looked over at Hermione as the younger witch went off to find Severus. She thought that Hermione's time was becoming a bit spread. _I hope you know what you're doing, Hermione._

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Sorry that I didn't post this last night. I was so tired and I had a lot going on. I'll post another chapter today, I swear. Next chapter is probably going to be almost entirely satirical. Just saying. Love - Rei.


	12. Milkshake

Okay, you're going to kill me for this. It started out as satire, but it had a mind of it's own. I promise, this is going to be Hermione/Severus before it's all said and done, so don't hurt me, yet. Reviews are appreciated, and to prove that, I'll answer some now.

**LadySnape88: **You'll find out this chapter. Thanks for the review!

**Beautiful-Liar13: **Thanks for the review! **  
Me14: **It is, but not yet. Thanks for the review!

**Her Royal Goddess: ** Ah, you just can't read my poker face, I've got a few ace's up my sleeve. I have a solution for this: MANHUNT! Break out the pitchforks! Light the torches!

**Sleepingbutterfly: **Eh, doesn't really matter because I ended up forgoing most of the satire. Thanks for the review!

**Catysmom: **Thanks for the review!

As always, thanks to all my readers, reviewers, alert-list and favorite-list people. I love you all!

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**WARNING: **This story is rated M for** adult themes.

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_If you recognize it, it's not mine.

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Ch. 12 – Milkshake

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_My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "It's better than yours," Damn right, it's better than yours. I could teach you, but I'd have to charge... - Kelis

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"Tonks! No way!" Hermione protested, looking at the skimpy outfit in her hands. "I'm _so_ not going to wear that out in public! Besides, what if Severus sees? Or Kingsley misinterprets it?" Nymphadora Tonks shook her head, then snatched the outfit from Hermione and held it up in front of her.

"Go put it on, you'll find it covers a lot more than you'd anticipate." Hermione glared at her.

"It would have to in order to be street legal," she growled, but took the garment anyway and stomped into the bathroom. When she came back, Tonks' and Remus', who had just walked into the room to find his wife, jaws dropped as they stared at Hermione in disbelief.

"See! I told you it was awful!" Hermione exclaimed. Her onlookers blinked.

"... Awful?" said Remus. "Hermione, you look..." he noticed the inquisitive eyes of his wife but ventured to continue, "stunning."

Tonks nodded. "It might just be illegal to let you out in that, but it'd be selfish to keep it to ourselves." Hermione turned scarlet at the attention on herself. Remus took this as a cue to leave with a wave at Tonks and another compliment to Hermione. Hermione looked at her with doubt painted on her face.

"You think?" she asked.

"I don't think, Hermione, I _know._" Tonks confirmed.

Hermione walked carefully over to the mirror and spun around, watching the black micro-mini flutter dangerously as she twirled. The outfit was gorgeous, and her hair was piled up with a few loose curls in the back, leading Tonks to believe that she was dressed to kill. She spelled the heels for comfort and stability, then snapped a picture with her camera.

"Now, Hermione, let the world know that you're single. Go get'em, Tigress." She said, then shoved Hermione out the door and pulled her down the corridor towards the Great Hall. "After you're done with Kingsley, go clubbing, it'll do you some good." Hermione began to protest once more.

"Tonks, I don't think I need to do that, I mean, I'm perfectly happy and I -" Tonks cut her off.

"Do it. You never know what will happen. Don't come back before midnight," and on that note, stuffed her purse into her hands, shoved her out the door and slammed the doors shut to the castle. Turning around, Nymphadora Tonks found herself face to face with Severus Snape.

"Who – _what_ was that?"

"Merlin! Severus, don't do that to me. Who was what?" she asked.

"That, that you just locked out of the castle?" he said.

"Oh, you mean Hermione?" His jaw dropped.

"That was Hermione?" he asked, flabbergasted.

"Of course that was Hermione. Who else is a female under 30 this castle?" she asked. He just blinked at her, then a thought occurred to him.

"Where was she going?" he questioned.

"She had a dinner meeting." Tonks responded.

"Dressed like _that?_" He asked, incredulous.

"She might have plans for afterward." she replied.

"Doing what?" Tonks gave him an inquisitive look.

"I don't see how it's your business, Severus." He scowled at her then backed her towards the doors of the Great Hall.

"Call it a... _personal interest._" He growled, "Now, where is she going?" Tonks wasn't scared.

"If she wants you to know, she'll tell you," she said as she slid through the opening in the doorway, then hurried up to the Head table, taking a seat between Remus and Minerva. Snape glared continuously in her direction as he stalked toward the table, robes billowing dramatically behind him. Minerva slid her eyes toward Tonks.

"What did you do to him?" she asked out of the corner of her mouth.

"I wouldn't tell him where Hermione's gotten off to," she said. "Kingsley asked her to dinner and he saw 'Mione leaving, got curious, he did."

"Ah, I'm afraid the boy's a bit possessive of what he considers as his." she said, suddenly understanding. "I do hope that they know what they're getting into - Hermione, especially."

* * *

Kingsley sat in a booth facing the entrance, waiting for his date to arrive. He had a good view of the dancefloor, and he decided that he'd have to convince Hermione to dance with him. He had decided to be a bit more casual tonight; boots, dark jeans and a black button-down with his standard gold chain around his neck, a gift from an old family friend in Africa.

He glanced up to see a beautiful woman who held the attention of the entire restaurant sashaying towards the back of the room in a tight black tube top that hugged her curves perfectly, accenting her waist and exhibiting a flat stomach. The golden sash below her breasts dangled freely to one side and black high-heels with golden accents set the arrangement off beautifully, making the gold choker and earrings glimmer against her summer tan.

He focused in on her face and nearly lost his composure as he realized this was Hermione. Standing to greet her, he hugged her to catch a whiff of a light perfume of tangy citrus and something a bit harder to identify, as well as the envious stares of all the men and most of the women in the room.

"'Mya, you look fabulous. Freedom agrees with you," he said, causing her to blush at his pet name for her from her days at the Ministry.

"Not so bad yourself, Kingsley," she replied, looking him over appreciatively. "Shall we?" she asked, gesturing towards the booth. He nodded and she slid in, followed by him. A waiter came over and took their order, his attention so on Hermione that Kingsley had to repeat the order twice in his booming baritone.

While waiting on their food, they caught up on the last year or so, unable to really have a chat between his duties as Minister and her time being busied by Ron. She told him about her new job as Charms Professor and he congratulated her by ordering a round of daiquiris for the pair. Their food arrived and the chatter continued, Kingsley telling her that Alyth had recently had chicks, and asking if she would like one since she no longer had Pig.

"Oh, Kingsley, that'd be great. How old are they?" He paused as if to calculate.  
"About 5 months, so they're going to have to leave the nest soon. She mated with my ministry owl, Gero. This clutch has four chicks, two little girls and two little boys, and all four of them have stolen my heart. You can take your pick, I can't keep them all."

So Hermione agreed to head to his apartment later and look at the owls, then they continued to gossip and chatter endlessly.

"So Kingsley, did you know that I dated you while still in Hogwarts?" she joked.

"Ah, yes, I saw that this morning. Why do you think I picked a Muggle restaurant?"

"Good point. I didn't realize I'd gotten around so much," she said then the pair burst into laughter.

"Hey Hermione," Kingsley asked, his eyes sparklingly mischievously, "would you like to dance?" Hermione listened to the first few beats of the Latin rhythm that had began, then took his outstretched hand.

"Of course," she said, then followed him onto the floor, the steps for a salsa already running through her head. She found the Minister was a fabulous dancer as the beat switched to a tango, the dance of passion.

They soon found themselves the center of attention, their dance being watched by many in awe. Ignoring the occasional flash of a camera, Hermione had nearly forgotten what it felt like to be so free, as she hadn't gone out dancing since she first married Ron. At the end of the dance, Kingsley froze with her in a low dip, draped across his arm, and the room burst into applause. Blushing, Hermione stood and they went back to the table for another round of daiquiris.

She soon found herself back on the dancefloor in a nearby club, a heavy bass and a couple shots leading to her being chest to chest with Kingsley, grinding against him shamelessly as his hands around her hips held her against him tightly. Her blood rushed through her veins, a combination of excitement and arousal, and she had lost herself in the music entirely.

Kingsley seized the moment and leaned down to pull her into a kiss. She responded, soon finding herself into a lip-lock with the Minister of Magic. Pulling back, he led her outside around the corner to an alley, and pushed her back against the wall, his hands running up her side while their tongues dueled in a battle of lust.

He apparated them to his flat mid-kiss and she pressed him into the door as he struggled to turn the knob backwards. They broke apart long enough for him to spell the wards down and the door open, and he pulled her through and up against the wall, her hands untucking his shirt from his jeans as his hands slid over her bear stomach and slid under her tube top.

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**A/N: If sex between a black man and a white woman or sex itself offends you, skip this part.

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He walked them back towards his bedroom, past a cage of owls that hooted at them curiously as she unbuttoned his shirt. He slid her top over her head while she unbuttoned his jeans and pushed them down, pausing long enough for him to kick his boots off in frustration. He unzipped her skirt and watched in appreciation as it fluttered down her legs then looked her over to find her in a matching set of lacy black lingerie and her black and gold heels.

Kingsley let his shirt slide down his arms with Hermione's help, then leaned forward and unhooked her strapless bra. She broke their kiss to take in his well-muscled chest, then tugged his boxers down with one finger. She gasped as she revealed his large erection, and he moaned as her fingernails raked gently down his member. She leaned down to unclasp her heels, but he stopped her, laying her backwards over the bed as he pulled down her thong.

Kingsley trailed kisses down her neck to her breast, teasing one nipple between his fingers while he sucked on the other, then switched to pay each equal respect. He bit gently, causing her to gasp then continued nibbling and sucking down her body until he reached her smooth womanhood. He licked down her nether-lips then carefully spread them with his fingers as he kissed and suckled. Hermione moaned in ecstasy as he pulled her clit into his mouth but her moan turned into an aroused scream as he bit down then blew gently onto her. He penetrated her with one finger, then two as he flicked his tongue back and forth over her clit, causing her to moan loudly and wrap her legs around his head, holding him against her.

She held him there as she came loudly chanting his name while he lapped at her juices, releasing him only to pull him up and kiss him, tasting herself on his lips. She ground herself against his erection, making him groan unintelligibly and push her farther up on the bed. She reached down and in a combined effort, guided him into her with a loud moan. He yanked her legs up on his shoulders and drove into her, Hermione shrieking in euphoria as he slammed into her.

She came while screaming his name and he followed with a grunted version of hers, then kissed her as he pulled out, sliding them under the covers and pulling her against him.

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**A/N: You can pick up back here.

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"Hermione, stay with me," he said, and in a drunken bliss, she said yes.

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Okay, now I guess you can kill me... Sorry! Don't get angry, I'm going to fix it. In fact, I'm considering writing another chapter tonight, as well. Until then, please review and vaya con Dios. - Rei


	13. Happy Ending

**BEFORE YOU CONTINUE TO READ THIS STORY, READ THE FOLLOWING IN FULL.**

I'm going to say this once and only once: If you're going to flame my story anonymously,** I WILL ABANDON IT PERMANENTLY. **There is a reason for everything, and Hermione has not been in love with Ron for ages, he degraded her, he verbally and emotionally abused her, he hasn't touched her in months, she's OVER him. To be realistic, several women who are divorced from marriages like that will immediately jump into bed with someone else. It doesn't make them a slut. If you disagree with me, feel free to take up this point with me, and I'll tell you ever so politely where you can shove it. As for the relationship with Severus, yes, there will be a relationship. Yes, Severus will be hurt. Yes, it's going to be a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Hermione has NEVER had anything to do with Bill Weasley, so don't insinuate there's something going on there, Bill just has a bit of an obsession with her. This story is listed as **DRAMA** first and foremost, and thus far, her relationship with Severus has be a bit smooth sailing, more so than would happen in real life. Keep in mind that Hermione was drunk in both situations, a bit of a party-girl with her newly found freedom, and that she would have slept with Severus had Minerva not intervened, and she slept with Kingsley, drunk, aroused from dancing, and because she had no intervention. She also stated in **Chapter 11** to Tonks that she was **"****not jumping into anything right now. I just got divorced, and it's only dinner with a friend." **She told Severus that yes, he was better suited for her, but they have NOT laid the bounds for their relationship. Severus stormed off in a fit of jealousy over something that he has yet to claim, and Hermione is independent enough not to appreciate it. Until otherwise noted, Hermione is still **single** and entitled to do whatever she wants. I highly recommend you read what Celia Equus had to say:

"If anyone tells you off because she's with Kingsley at the moment, and not Severus, ignore them. I've had a similar problem before, and some folks forget that, in real life, not everyone stays with the first person they date for the rest of their lives."

If my story bugs you, you don't have to read it. If you need something clarified or you have something constructive to say, feel free, otherwise, keep it to yourself and find another story to read.

**CeliaEquus: **Thank you for your support, I'm glad there are some reasonable people amoung my readers. Chapter 13 will go up shortly, but I'm going to leave this note up for a while. If you'd like, I'll PM you and anyone else who is interested the link to the rest of the story until further notice. All my love – Rei.  
**LadySnape88: **If you stay with me, it will work out, I promise.  
**Lollapalozzafanatic83: **Yes, there is Hermione, there is partial Snape at the moment, but he hasn't actually asked her anything other than saying he is better suited for her than Ron. They are **just** at friend status, the civility being present since the war, but they have to know each other better first. They weren't even on first name terms until her job interview. Bill is not part of it at all. He's just a creepy stalker. Kingsley is for the most part, a one night stand. It's much more like an awkwardly shaped triangle and she's not at all scarlet unless she's blushing. I'm glad you like the story and if you stick with me, it'll all straighten out.

( ): Thank you for believing I'll pull it off, but I wish you would put a name with your review. She might seem a bit slutty, but as stated up there, she is still single, because nothing other than kissing has happened between her and Severus. Enough alcohol will make anyone a slut. Stay with me, and I'll show you how I'll pull it off.  
**Kate: **Congratulations, this note is just for you. I hope you read the top, because until you have the balls to sign in, you can forget any sort of respect from me or most of my fellow fanfiction friends, because no one likes a flamer who doesn't have the guts to tell who they are.  
**Anubis Ankh: **I'm glad that you can overlook that, as I'm from a small town where it's highly frowned upon, which to me is positively disgusting. It will bother her, as well. She was drunk, there will be hell to pay from all sides. Tonks is going to be very upset, as well. Gryffindor Honor goes down the drain whenever she gets smashed enough. Goody-two-shoes are the WORST whenever they lose their inhibitions, I would know. Once again, there's nothing solid with Severus yet, they just got on a first name basis and they were spectacularly smashed as well. If you stick with me, you'll see everything work out soon enough.

**Notwritten: **I extend the same gratitude and offer to you that I do to CeliaEquus.

Now, if you would like another chapter where you can find it, DO NOT FLAME. I will NOT put up with it. However, if you have something constructive to say, I'll be glad to talk to you, and you can PM me at any time. If you would like the link to the rest of this story, you can also PM me for that, but you MUST be signed in OR sign the message with your normal user ID.


	14. Sunday

I still don't own it. Yeah, I'm back. If this chapter seems slow, I'm trying to pick it up. I'll update again shortly.

I started this fic my sophomore year of highschool. I'm now a junior in college. That was three years ago. I'm sorry for the delay.

_Heavy night, it was a heavy night. I cannot remember what I said to anyone. If we get up now, we can catch the afternoon. – __**Bloc Party**_

Hermione stretched languidly as she opened her eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling. Her head pounded with a hangover and her body ached in places she'd forgotten existed. She inhaled deeply, attempting to awaken, and was greeted by the scent of bacon frying. The scent awoke her instantly, nearly nauseating after the alcohol from the night before.

She jumped to her feet and ran out the hall. Kingsley, having heard her footsteps pounding down the hallway, peaked around the corner from the stove to see Hermione dive into the open lavatory on her left. The sound of retching filled the apartment.

Kingsley turned off the stove, walked into the bathroom, and wrapped his hands in her hair. Hermione finished disposing of the remnants of the night before, then wiped her mouth and stood.

"Thanks, Kingsley," she said, sheepishly, "I'm sorry that I…" she trailed off, noticing the man wore a simple pair of dark-washed jeans. The only thing his bare chest lacked was a shirt.

"Mya, it's no problem," he laughed, "we drank a lot last night." The Minister grabbed a vial off the counter and gingerly tossed it to her. Looking at herself in the mirror, Hermione was surprised to note that Kingsley had spelled a shirt on her at some point, presumably his own, as the large royal blue t-shirt reached nearly to her knees.

"Sober-Up and Anti-Nausea. Thought you might need it," he said in response to her questioning look, "Merlin knows I did."

Hermione carefully uncorked the potion. She sniffed the liquid, more out of habit more than distrust, and approving, tipped the contents into her mouth.

She lowered the vial. "Thanks, I think I would still be vomiting were it not for that. I feel awful."

"Well, perhaps you'll feel even better after you've gotten some food in your stomach. It's been several hours since we've eaten anything, you know. It's 9 in the morning," he intoned.

"Oh," the woman colored, "I am kind of hungry now."

Hermione followed him into the kitchen, watching him as he turned the stove back on and resumed making breakfast. She took in the spacious kitchen, pale blue with white trim, and noted the large owl perch in the corner.

"Oh, are these the babies you mentioned?"she moved over to the perch and cooed over the owlets. Alyth watched curiously, but made no move to intervene. The owlets cooed excitedly, taking their mother's silence as permission to investigate further. With their orange eyes wide like tangerines, they fluttered over to Hermione.

"Yes, they're reaching adulthood. I'm afraid I don't have the space to keep six fully grown eagle owls. They're just too big," Kingsley stated while flipping the bacon, "How do you like your eggs?"

"Over easy, if you don't mind," she replied as what she thought was a female (she and her sister were significantly bigger) leaned over and gently nipped her hand. "They're certainly sweeter than expected for the breed."

Kingsley laughed, "Not for a lack of effort on my part. Their mother is a doll, though, I've had her from the time she first opened her mouth to sing. She was part of a wilderness rescue, Mya."

Hermione giggled as the owls began butting her hand for a stroke, perhaps smelling what traces remained from her citrus perfume. The female that had nipped her hand jumped up to perch on her shoulder, then began picking through her hair.

"I guess you've made your statement," Hermione chirped before laughing happily, only to be joined by Kingsley. She reached over and stroked the owl behind her creamy grey ear tufts. The owl responded by cooing happily. "What's your name, little girl?"

"Naledi," Kingsley replied. At Hermione's questioning look, he continued, "It's Tswana for 'star.' She's certainly the star of the show," he laughed, "but actually, her eyes made me think of stars."

Hermione contemplated him for a moment. "Tswana? As in South African?"

Kingsley was surprised, "Yes, actually. My family originates from there. Her sister's name is Leiso, which means 'hearth,'" he indicated the other female with bright, burning orange eyes. "These are her brothers, Tshiamo, which means 'justice', and his brother, Bophepa, or 'clarity.' I call him 'Bo' for short." At the sound of his nickname, Bo flew over to Kingsley and perched on his shoulder, staring expectantly until he received a piece of bacon.

Hermione greeted each of them in turn, but kept Naledi on her shoulder.

"Naledi...," she tasted the word in her mouth, "I like it. How would you like a new home, Nala? I promise you'll get to visit." The bird cooed happily, jumping in the air to circle Hermione's head, then landed back on her shoulder. Hermione flinched a bit at the sudden weight but reached up again to stroke the bird once more. Perched primly on her shoulder, Nala rose well above Hermione's hair, about two-thirds of a meter tall.

Kingsley chuckled once more.

"What?" Hermione asked indignantly, "Why are you laughing?"

"Well, besides the 200g owl sitting on your shoulder like a queen, 'nala' means 'huff.' It's strangely an appropriate nickname."

"Oh.," she said, and they shared a laughed again.

"Well, breakfast is ready. Naledi, perch," he commanded. The owl obediently left the witch's shoulder. Kingsley gestured to the table and removed a chair for Hermione.

They chatted amiably over their breakfast tea, pointedly ignoring the events of the previous night. Remembering Tonks' book, Hermione inquired at it.

"Oh, yes, I'd almost forgotten about it. I'll fetch it after we're through eating."

As they finished their meal, Hermione realized she was still wearing nothing but his shirt.

"I suppose I should get dressed, I'm sure I'd make quite the grand entrance if I went back to Hogwarts wearing only your shirt," she laughed.

Kingsley considered it for a moment. "I think you look splendid. You should keep it, I don't mind." Hermione froze.

"Kingsley, I had a great time last night, really, but I'm not sure that I sent the right message. I was _just_ released from a binding. I don't think I'm ready for a commitment just yet," she said carefully.

He surprised her by laughing again.

"I'm well aware, Mya. I just thought you should keep the shirt because the color looks great on you. You're beautiful and believe me, I'm charmed. I hardly want to push you, though. Keep it as a night between friends. When you've had some time to yourself, then reconsider."

She smiled and stood to hug him.

"Thanks for understanding, Kingsley."

The tall man leaned down and kissed her hair.

"Of course, Mya. Now let's get you back to Hogwarts."

While she went to search for her clothes, Kingsley retrieved Tonks' book from his library. After gathering her clothes, she scooped the pile into her purse and went to the lavatory again. Considering herself for a moment, she spelled the shirt into a simple, knee length dress, charmed her hair up, and banished the smudges from her make-up. Walking back out to the kitchen, Kingsley greeted her once more with an approving appraisal.

"Gorgeous, Mya, as always," he said in rich baritone. He called Nala to him and passed her carefully to Hermione. "I know you'll take good care of her. If you know anyone else in need of an owl, send them my way."

"I will. Thanks again, Kings, for everything." She stood on her tip-toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Anytime, My," he smiled. She walked to the front door and Apparated away, the owl hooting in surprise as they spun away into Hogsmeade.

Severus was near the gates when she arrived, picking berries from a Voxglean bush. He stood from his work as she approached.

"Good morning, Severus. How are you?"

"Fine, you're just now returning from your night out?" he inquired, a hint of jealousy in his voice.

"As a matter of fact, I had a few drinks too many, so I spent the night at Kingsley's. I really need to cut back. It seems like all I've done since I left Ron is drink."

Severus smirked. "I find that Weasley inspires the need for a strong scotch on any occasion. When he's around, you drink to tolerate him. When he's gone, you drink to celebrate his long overdue departure." He raised an eyebrow at Nala, still perched regally on Hermione's shoulder. "And this would be?"

"Naledi, Nala for short. Kingsley's owls had a clutch. If you're in need of one, he has three more that he's looking to rehome." He shook his head.

"Not at the moment, although I recall the Lupins' owl was starting to reach the age where short journeys take weeks. Perhaps you should speak to Remus?"

They both jumped as Nala spread her enormous wings and dove into the woods after a quickly retreating bushy tail. A beetle buzzed as it flitted away from the bird flew deeper into the woods after a much larger pray than a bug.

Well, I suppose she'll find the Owlery on her own. What are you harvesting?" Hermione asked, indicating the basket sitting next to the Potions Master's feet.

"Voxglean," he said, offering her a small, golden berry. She examined the berry closer, starting when it jingled as she moved it.

"I've heard of these. Upon ingestion, one's voice becomes melodic and charming. In high doses, can be irritating as the voice sounds like a choir of church bells, yes?"

"Ever the walking dictionary, Hermione," he teased. "In extreme doses, voxglean can be lethal. The vocal chords constrict and bleed. You'll find the taste sweet, somewhat like peaches," and with that, plucked the berry from her fingers and popped it in her mouth. Her eyes widened at the gesture, but she chewed and swallowed, then sighed as the sweetness erupted in her mouth.

"Oh, Severus, they're wonderful." His eyes darkened as her voice rang in his head. He savored the taste of his name on her tongue before swallowing one of the gold berries himself.

"Hermione," he drawled, enjoying the blush creeping up her neck. "Have I told you that you look stunning in blue?" He held the last syllable, _ooh. _The blush spread to her cheeks. Flustered, Hermione stepped back.

"Sev, I really must be getting back to my room, these berries are delightful, thank you, I," she babbled, the words coming out like a swansong, "I need to go, I need to…" He cut her off with a swift kiss, then scooped up the basket.

"I was finished, anyway, so I shall accompany you to your quarters." His tone booked no arguments. She walked next to him, scarlet, and entranced by his melodically rumbling bass.

Ron Weasley stood outside a pink door, contemplating for a second before resigning himself to bang on it impetuously. A pair of dark brown eyes peeked through the blinds to the right of the door before the door opened to reveal a bored-looking Parvati.

"Morning, Ron. Lav's at work. Shouldn't you be too?" she questioned. Ron had the grace to look sheepish.

"Oh, yes, I suppose I'm off today. What time is it?," he asked. Parvati turned to glance over her shoulder at the clock above the mantle.

"Eleven thirty, she should be going to lunch soon," she said. Ron thanked her for her time and left the house to Apparate to the ministry.

Okay, so I'm back. I'm going to make this a regular thing again.

2/3 of a meter is about two feet. 200 g is about 7 lbs. Eagle Owls are huge. No, I mean _huge._


End file.
